Patiently Waiting

2008-06-16T21:18:00.007-05:00

Happy Father's Day Jeffrey!

Ok, so I am a day late and maybe a dollar short, I am not sure about that! We had a very busy weekend with Grandma Sikorski's furneral, and Father's Day! Mom and Dad took the baby on Friday night, knowing that Saturday would be very busy with the furneral and family obligations. And to top it off, Julian has a terrible cold! Poor baby! So we picked him up on Saturday afternoon, went home, changed and then went shopping...I don't know about you, but when I don't feel good, shopping always cheers me up! LOL Julian was a trooper and he did great! Sunday we spent the morning and early afternoon home, enjoying a nice quite first Father's day for Jeff. Then we went to my parents for dinner, with Grandma and Uncle Damon. It was a nice night. Here are a few pictures from that little party!

(Thanks for all the prayers for dad! They released him and now they are doing a wait and see what happens. We are hoping all will be fine and no surgery will be needed! )

Toward the end of the night, poor Julian was so tired, but we had to get a picture of Papa and him...I am not sure if he was getting ready to cry or if he was laughing at Papa...it was a long day and Mommy was very tired!

Today we had some crazy weather! We had hail the size of Silver Dollars! I have never seen hail this big before, so I had to take a picture of it...sorry it is blurry! I tried to size it with something, and all i could find was Julian's small rubber ducky!

And there is always a rainbow at the end of a storm...so here it is! Hope you found your pot of gold...I know I did! Julian and Jeff were in it! Hugs and Blessings!

A year ago today...

2008-05-30T11:17:00.004-05:00

I was driving home from a long day at work and my cell phone rang...it was the call I will NEVER forget...we were chosen by a birthmom! It was the most exciting day...we had had a failed match earlier in the month but I knew in my heart of hearts that this was going to be our baby! And he is!

Saying good bye to this blog

2007-09-14T09:34:00.000-05:00

Ok everyone...I have decided to start a new blog. When I set this blog up it was for our journey through adoption. So now that he is home with us and our consent hearing is only 11 days away, I figured it was time to start a new. Please go to my new blog and bookmark it. This will be my last post on here.

http://wearenow3.blogspot.com

Hope to see you there!!!!

Trying something out...

2007-09-10T14:31:00.001-05:00

Click to play | Make your own Smilebox

My friend Dominic needs your help!

2007-09-05T10:13:00.001-05:00

Hi everyone. My friend Dominic needs your help! Please check out his site...he is raising money for childrens cancer research. His mom and I are high school friends! They are so close to their goal...it would be great if they could meet it! With your help they will!

Dominic was diagnosed with Stage 4 Neuroblastoma, a type of childhood cancer on March 26, 2005. Two days after the birth of his baby brother and 5 days before his 5th birthday.

You can check out his web site to find out more about him at www.supportdominic.org

http://www.firstgiving.com/supportdominic

Please pass this along! You can put you heard from me about this! Coco is my nickname and that is how they all know me! Please help him out!

Some information you may not know...Cancer is the leading cause of death by disease in children under theage of 15 in the United States. Despite this fact, childhood cancer research is vastly and consistentlyunderfunded. The American Cancer Society uses only less than 2% of money raised tofund research of Pediatric Cancers.

My baby is 4 weeks old : (

2007-09-05T08:13:00.000-05:00

4 weeks old today!

Goofy look on his face...that darn flash does it everytime!

Ok...I am sad...he is already 4 weeks old! Where does the time go? I don't know! Jeff is off this week, while I am back to work so they have been bonding. Yesterday Julian slept ALL day...I kept warning Jeff that if he sleeps all day...he will be awake for 2-3 hours over night...well sure enough my little guy did prove mommy wrong! He was up from 2-4am! Finally I got up and snuggled with him and he fell asleep. Mommy's touch! So since mom and dad are going to be watching him, they are aware that he needs to be awake during the day. Taking a nap here and there is fine...most nights he sleeps from 9-2am or 3am. SO it is time to get him back on track! He is such a good boy and I really missed him yesterday. I went home 3 times during the day from work to see him. All 3 times...HE WAS SLEEPING!!!! I kept laughing...but I was the one in turn who had to get up with him last night! I told Jeff...it is not Julian's fault...it was Daddy's fault! Ha ha!

n Labor day we went to our neighbors house for drinks and goodies...very casual and of course Julian was so good. So here is a picture of him with his Uncle Scott...Uncle Scott was so funny...he kept trying to wake him up...finally it was time to eat and he did! We love our neighbors, Jenny and Scott and Dave and Peggy have become some of our closest friends! So here are some pictures! I know I have been slacking! Sorry!

Bath time!

2007-09-01T09:25:00.000-05:00

Well...Julian had his first bath last night. Here is a picture of him just after the bath and after he was dress...wow...it really helps him relax. He slept from 9:30pm till 5:12am!!! Mommy woke up at 3:30 and jumped out of bed to make sure he was ok...I got a bottle ready and then he slept for another 2 hours. So it was either the 6 oz or the bath...maybe both. We will let you know.

Enjoy!

Happy Birthday Nonna!

2007-08-31T13:57:00.000-05:00

Nonna and Nonni (my mom and grandmother) came over this afternoon. It is my mother's birthday. Everytime mom holds him he falls asleep! He is just so sweet! This morning while I was feeding him...he gave me the biggest smile...my heart just sank...what an incredible feeling that is. He has smiled before, but for some reason, this morning was so special. We went to the Doctor's yesterday...our som is now up to 9 lbs 13 oz. Right on track! I can't get enough of him!

Here is a picture of Nonni with her little buddy. My grandmother is so different with him then she ever was with us. It is sweet. I am glad she is alive to see her great-grandson!

3 weeks old and his first party...

2007-08-30T10:26:00.000-05:00

Mommy and Julian at our baby shower...

Our baby is 3 weeks old! Man time is flying...He changes every day...it just amazes me! So he had his first party...it was our baby shower last night. It was a really nice night. My mom out did herself again...my MIL & SIL were great too. I have posted some pictures from the night...today we are all just laying low! I am pooped! Mr. Julian was such a good boy! He just amazes me...we are truly blessed with a wonderful baby. Today...he is a snuggle buggle! I love it when he snuggles. So here are some pictures! Thank you to all the attended. I was so nice having all my girls around me to share in our special day!

Jeff made this amazing cake...he out does himself everytime!

My mother made these center pieces...from the book GUESS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU? The tables look amazing! Thanks mom!!!

Newsletter from Church...

2007-08-27T14:53:00.000-05:00

We can't keep a blanket on his feet! He kickes them off all the time...Just like his mother! I am the same way...always have to have my feet exposed!

I love this little outfit...he is starting to out grow it! I am sad...

I love to get our newsletter from church. There is always something that just hits you right in the face. It always seems that there is something going on in my life that makes the newsletter so much more. Today it was about friendship and how to help grow our church by spreading the word of the lord. But this is what really hit me.

Proverbs 17:17a "A friend loves at all times"

So why do we have friends and just how important are they? God designed us to have friends and live in meaningful relationships. God uses these relationships to reveal Himself! God uses friends to love, guide and bless us!

During this wonderful time of making our family, I have seen friends come and go. So come into our lives because you have something in common, So go out of our lives because of things you no longer have in common, or jealousy or too much time has gone by to make up for the past.

While this time is so joyful for us, others have shown that they are true friends, while others fight with their innerselves and drift out of our lives. Sometimes it is very hard to come to grips with the fact that people are selfish and when good things happen to you they don't know how to deal with it. That happens with families too. I can't make you become or stay my friend. If you are my friend, you know that I am always there for you...good times and bad...during pregnancies, births of children, deaths of parents, and life changing situations. But it always seems to go one way with me. I give my all and some people just take that for granted. I can no longer think of myself...I now have a son to think of. During this time, I have seen old friends come out of the woodwork and old friends go in hiding. I am thankful for the friends who have recently appeared after all these years and feel sorry for those who have gone in hiding.

I know that everything happens for a reason...that our life is in the lords hands. But you still need to look out for number one...your family...and that is what I have done. Once jealousy appears in a friendship, you can do a few things...walk away from that friendship...confront the jealousy and let that friend know...or behave badly and have regrets later in life.

When I was younger I had a friend I was jealous of...I behaved very badly during a time that was very important in her life...her wedding...I backed out of the wedding and lost a friend forever. I have since called her to tell her that I was sorry and that I was jealious of her at that time in my life. We have never spoken again. Jealousy is an ugly thing...it destroys many relationships...good or bad. I have done alot of growing up in the past 3 weeks and realized that friends come and go...maybe years from now those friends will reappear and say they are sorry...but it will never be the same.

I pray for those people and in a sad sort of way I feel very sorry for them. I feel sorry that they are not happy with the life they are leading and they have not found the lord to help them deal with jealiousy. So everynight, pray for those you are no longer friends with...wish them well with their life and say good bye. It is a tough one to grasp...but one that needs an end.

UPDATED PICTURES OF JULIAN...

Here is our friend Frank...seeing him for the first time...

Making faces at mommy...another picture...COME ON!!!!

1st time to church

2007-08-26T16:51:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone...as you all know, church is a huge part of our life. With out the power of prayer Julian would not be here. So of course I took a picture of him at church. He was sucha good boy. He was a wake in the begining and then he was hungry so we ate and then he slept the rest of the time. It was so nice to show everyone our new son. So many people came up to us and told huged us and said they remembered my testimony on Mother's Day and look at us now...a family. We are so blessed! Pastor Jerry was not there, so we will meet him next week! We met a really nice family, they have a son who is 3 months old. WOW what a difference. I want to keep Julian in a bubble never letting him grow up! Every day he changes. Today he wore his Tommy outfit to church and he looked so handsome.

Ok, so some of you have asked for a picture of him and me together. This is one...now mind you, it was early on and I was very tired...Since he has come home, I have lost 15 lbs! I am hoping to lost another 60 by the time he is 6 months old. That is my goal! We go for a walk everyday. He loves to go for walks and so do I.

UPDATE ON THE FINALIZATION: We saw our attorney today at church...We just love him...he told us that a date has been picked for the court appearance and it is coming up. He was shocked as to how fast things are moving and how smoothly too. So, we maybe finalized with in a month of placement! How wonderful! Our birthmother and father have signed everything and there is no turning back...we will go in front of a judge, she will assign a social worker who will then do a home visit and then mail in the final copy and it will be final! We are overjoyed! The emotions are never ending. We will let everyone know when it is done. Our attorney told us to invite as many people as we want...but I think we are going to keep it to family. Maybe Aunt Katie and Uncle Pat will be able to make it too.

For those who are waiting...think about doing the private track. You will be in control and you will know what is going on. I have all the information, so contact me and I will help you. Don't waste the money...Also buy the book...How to adopt within one year domestically. I think that is the title. I read that book front to back, and followed it to detail...and 5 months later we were matched! You have to view this as a job...a full time job...You need to help your baby find their way home. That is how I looked at it. Julian had the help from our little Joseph (BTW he would have been 4 yrs old on August 23) We went to his grave site and it was bitter sweet to have Julian there with me. It was closure for me...I will never forget him, but that chapter is over and a new one is here. Don't ever give up hope. I am here if you need help!

Our first trip to Wegmans!

2007-08-25T15:27:00.000-05:00

So in our area, Wegmans is a big supermarket. Jeff and I would go together zip in and zip out. So we thought we would go today. Well times have changed...there was no zipping anywhere. Those darn car seats make is so hard to see over the top! But I had to document his first trip there so here is a picture of him. Of course he was taking his mid afternoon nap!

When we got home...he was still sleeping! This kid can sleep! But last night he went from 9:30pm till 3:00am! He had 4.5 ozs! He is such a good baby! Now that the Thrush is under control (thanks Sue for pointing that out!) we got it before it was really bad! I don't know where I would be without you girls! So here are a few more pictures of our darling son.

New Picture

2007-08-24T16:00:00.000-05:00

Hi all...here is a new picture fo our boy...he is getting so big so fast! I can't stand it! Here he is in his play pen...see the bears...well I was on line, finishing up some work and he was crying so I went to check on him and the bears were attacking him...he rolled over and the bears were in his little face. I would be crying too! Hugs

2007-08-24T11:55:00.000-05:00

Hi all...sorry i haven't posted in a few days. Life is busy. I am so in love with our son it is an amazing feeling! He is smiling and makes eye contact and gives me kisses (ok...when he is hungry he sucks on my face) I never thought being a monther would be this wonderful! I love to see peoples reactions when they see him. I am not saying this because he is mine, but people gasp at him...what a beatuiful baby! I just beam from ear to ear!

Ok...those of you are still waiting...get the Dr. Brown Bottles! They are the best out there! Julian is so darn happy, no gas, no crying...well he does cry a little but that is if he is naked or hungry...I swear...ask anyone who has seen him.

The night time is great. He goes from 9:30pm to 1:30am and then to 5-6am. It is great! Key trick is to try to keep him up during the day. I have him on a schedule and it seems to be working.

Well we are at my mom's and we have to go soon. I will post pictures this weekend! I don't want to post to many...don't want anyone to get sick of him...Yeah like that will happen! Hugs

2 weeks old!

2007-08-22T19:45:00.001-05:00

I can't believe that our son is 2 weeks old! Man does time fly! I know a few of you have mention Thrush to me. I took that right after he ate, but I am taking him to the Dr.'s tomorrow. I can oly post for a minute...it is witching hour at our home from 8-10pm. That is the ONLY time he is fussy. So I guess we are lucky! He slept last night from 9:30pm till 3:30 am. I couldn't belive it! So we are hoping tonight will be the same. I will post tomorrow! Jeff is talking to him...he is telling him ... "No Fussing" :) I am dieing here! I love to hear him talk to him...It is so cute! I have never been more in love with my hubby as I am today! Hugs and Blessings!

ok so we had a talk...

2007-08-21T11:51:00.007-05:00

julian and his mommy...this is what he was doing all the while...

I guess I was boring him! He is too much! Nice formula tounge. I guess I bite him 100 times a day!

Here is a little smile. He changes every day! It is amazing!

BIRTH MOTHER REPORT...for those of you who are wondering...Our birth mother went to court and signed in front of a judge. So basically it is all done. We will be going to court in 15-30 days, a social worker will be assigned for one visit and then it is finalized. But we know that there is no turning back now that she has signed in front of a judge! 12 days!!! Praise god!!! She is doing well, we spoke for a minute and I wished her all the best and told her that is doing great. She sounded good. She will always be in our prayers!

The smile is coming...

2007-08-18T19:46:00.000-05:00

Well...it is coming...soon! He has smiled at me a few times...it is hard to capture it on camera. You can see my lipstick on the side of his face.

Is he not the cutest little guy! I could just eat him up all day! God has blessed us!!!

He is a bit gassy tonight...this too shall pass. Daddy has him right now...sounds like they are playing! 3 post in one day! I am trying to play catch up!

Hugs to all!

New Pictures...

2007-08-18T08:51:00.000-05:00

Eyes open...it is tough to get a good shot when he is squrming! But Daddy did a great job! He's the best!

Look at the face! I could eat it up all day long!! Not sure if you can see the bib or not but it is from Aunt Paulette...It is so cute! Why are my pictures blurry??? I hate that! Oh well! Look at those lips! I kiss them when he puckers up!

I was singing him a song yesterday and he looked right at me and gave me a big grin! I cried for about 15 mins...the whole time thank god for this wonderful gift!

It is so worth the wait!

Thank you lord...

2007-08-18T08:13:00.000-05:00

for this wonderful gift of a son. I can't tell you how blessed we feel everyday. The waiting is the worst...there is no doubt about it. It is tough on everyone involved. I thank god for such a wonderful husband. With out him and his support, love and kindness, I couldn't have gone through the process. As a waiting adoptive parent you wonder about many things...when will it happen...who will it be...what will they look like...how will I feel about the baby when they come home. All those emotions, all those thought, all those worries...with out Jeff or the Lord in my life, I don't think I could have made it.

Yes our journey was on the shorter side. We were matched at 9 months and Julian was born just over 11 months of waiting. I think the worst part of the waiting was the 72 days of being matched. Not being in control of anything. I KNEW that our birth mother was going to place. There was never a doubt from Jeff or I on that. It was just a matter of when will he be born.

Our friends have been amazing...awesome handme down (bottle sterilizer is a must!!!!) Love it! (thank you Aunt Katie) Since it has been so warm, he is really only wearing tee shirts...he looks so cute BTW. The phone calls are everyday, checking on him and us...I could have asked for a better group of friends. A shout out goes to all of our friends who said they would call the group of friends and DID! THANK YOU !!!! I felt bad the other day when we were walking and a friend of mine saw us and said she had no idea...I guess some calls were not made...I appoligized to her and asked her to call the others so they would know.

This weekend is going to be a quite one. We are home as a family...I am sending out Thank you notes, doing laundry, going for a walk...just being a family. I will post pictures later today. I am trying to get one with his eyes open...he was awake yesterday for 6 hours...he was a tired little guy! So...hugs and blessings!

We are all still here!

2007-08-17T08:00:00.001-05:00

Hi everyone...we have been very busy! Busy visiting family and friends. We also have a very happy little boy! He eats, sleeps, poops and pees and is now smiling! I am going to try to get it on film! He sleeps about 4-5 hours during the night...you read right 4-5 hours!!! Our birth mom told me that he would and I didn't believe her! Well she was right!

So as of next week it will be finalized...all we have to do is go to court for the ceremony, but other then that we will be all set by early next week! We are so thrilled! He will be all ours! When our court date comes up I will let you all know. It should be soon. We have an inside track, so we are keeping our fingers crossed that it will be soon! But since our Birth Mom is going to sign in front of a judge that is it!!! So we could ask for anything more! Please keep praying and I will let you know what happens.

So I have attached a few photos of recent days! Enjoy!

Julian and Aunt Katie at his first Bible Study --->

Sleeping...

2007-08-14T17:13:00.015-05:00

I could just watch him sleep all day long...quite my job and just watch him for the next 5 years! My parents can't get enough of him! We are so lucky to have them. They will be watching him when I return to work in the fall. It is amazing how much they change from day to day. He has gained 4 oz. since Saturday and is now back in the 8lb. range. His eyes are open more often...sometimes at night...NO TALKING! Just looking! He is turning his head and watching us more and more. The doctor said we should see a smile by this weekend.

Our scheduling is working out well...he is getting his days and night closer together. But Daddy needs to burb him better! LOL But look at the size of his hands!

I just love this baby! I can't get enough of him! We are learn more and more everyday. We saw a friend who gave us great advice. So thank you for that!

So my shower is coming up in the next 2 weeks. I can't wait. There are things we need for him, activity wise to keep him up more often during the day. His best color is baby blue or white. With that little kiss from the sun...he looks so good in those colors.

So I will try to post a new picture as often as I can. We are getting ready to go for our nightly walk as a family...see you soon!

Sleeping...

2007-08-14T17:13:00.013-05:00

Our scheduling is working out well...he is getting his days and night closer together. But Daddy needs to burb him better! LOL But look at the size of his hands!

I just love this baby! I can't get enough of him! We are learn more and more everyday. We saw a friend who gave us great advice. So thank you for that!

So I will try to post a new picture as often as I can. We are getting ready to go for our nightly walk as a family...see you soon!

Very Busy Sunday!

2007-08-13T07:14:00.000-05:00

Well...Julian had a very busy day on sunday and her was all tuckered out at Nana and Poppi's house! He went to visit his Great Grandma (Nonni) and all her friends, then he went to Nonaand Poppi's house for the afternoon. My mother didn't put him down all day! Which gave me time to rest. Jeff swam with my dad, my brother wants to use him as a chick magnet, and I slept for bout 30 mins, then I heard him let out a little peep and I was down stairs!. After dinner we came home and went for a walk, so all his friends could see him. Our dear friends, Dave and Peggy made us dinner...so we will have it tonight.

He had a great night...he fussed between 1 am and 3:25am, other then that...I think we have the perfect baby! (sorry if you too have the perfect baby!) We woke up around 6:45am (he hadn't had a bottle a bottle since 2:00am...so we are getting around 3-4 hours sleep!

Jeff and I are doing great! I feel great...I have lost about 10 lbs, in the last 2-3 weeks...Dogs are doing great and haven't had any trouble adjusting to Julian.

It is amazing how they change...he is getting so alert when he is awake! I love it. He is a total sunggle bug...which I love!!! He loves to cuddle with daddy too!

That's all for now. We are having some friends stop by today and of course Nonna and Poppi will be here soon! Hugs and Blessings!

Confessions of a new mom...

2007-08-12T08:30:00.009-05:00

I am in love! I must confess...it has only been 2 days with him, and I am in love. What was my life like before he entered it? I don't know...I don't remember...the waiting I remember, but holy cow...this is why we had to have so much pain. To become so happy. I have to say... I think he is beatuiful. Maybe because I am his mom and that is what we all say about our children...but he is something else. He smells so good. He cuddles....oh I love when he cuddles!

We had a great night last night! Jeff and I are so well rested! Julian is eating more then 2 ozs. now every 3 hours sometimes more then 3 hours. Yeah! He has his time between 11:30 and 2:30am where he is up and fussy, but not crying...he just can't figure out what he wants....pee, poop, eat...stare at his beautiful mommy! Jeff is amazing with him. There was never a doubt but he is. This is what I have waited for...to see him with our baby.

Well that is our up date today. No pictures today...will post tomorrow.

Thanks for all the great comments! We are loving every some what tired minute of it!

Julian Parker has arrived!!!!

2007-08-11T13:22:00.012-05:00

Julian Parker

8lbs. 9oz. 20 inches

Hi all...sorry it has taken me so long to post, we have been a bit busy. We got the call that Julian was born on Weds. night. He weighed 8lbs 9 oz. and was 22 inch. long. His scores were 9/9!! So we really didn't tell anyone but family, because our birthmom had not signed yet. So Thursday we waited for the call, by 3pm I called our attroney and they said they wouls call as sonn as they heard. So we went out. Our phone rang at 5:33pm telling us to go...NOW!! So we did. We held our son for the first time around 8ish. We went back on Friday at 10am only to hear that the attorney's were not going to show up until 2-3pm...yikes...I can honestly say I never had any doubts that we wasn't going to sign. By 4:50pm we were on our way home...the rest is history! So here is a picture of him. He was a little jaundiced, but it is getting better everyday! He is such a good boy! I am so tired I am going to go check email, but I wanted to post! Hugs and Blessings

Tom Petty's song...

2007-08-09T12:43:00.000-05:00

The waiting is the hardest part!

That is all I am going to say for now! I am so frustrated I can't stand it!

I need to be in control of EVERYTHING, but this one thing I have no control over it!

UGH!!!! :)

Does he see...

2007-08-08T08:36:00.008-05:00

the light at the end of the tunnel? I want to ask him that! Come on baby...Mommy and Daddy are waiting for you! Nana and Papa, Grandma Terry, Nonni and Uncle Damon are all ready. So are all your little friends and their mommy's and daddy's. Does he know we are here? Does he know what we have planned for him? Does he know how mommy cries at night longing to hold him? If he did, I think he would be here already. So If he can hear me, or if someone could tell him...we are waiting for you.

Is it killing you?....

2007-08-07T15:26:00.000-05:00

Because it is killing me! NO BABY YET!!!! Can you stand it!!!???? I am dieing here! Ok, so today a few people called wondering what was going on...which is fine...I did laundry, vacumed, dusted, watched Days of our lives, Big Love, and a few Sex in the City...took a few little power naps and now I am here doing this post that I didn't want to do, that is why it took me so long! I know you all are wondering what is going on. I have been very quite on the boards and frankly I am not in a great mood!

I spoke to our attorney today (did I mention that he is a very good Christrian?) SO we had a long talk about everything. He asked me if I was nervous that she might not place and I said NO...I know in my heart she is going to. I know that this is our baby. I know that people wonder and worry up until they sign the papers...but we are not worried. We just want to get him home and start living! I feel like I haven't been living in about 2 weeks! I told him if we ever do this again, I don't want to have this long in between being matched and placement. He agreed with me. Those of you who got "the call" and picked you babies up 1-3 days later...you have it made! This stress, and what I mean by stress is wanting it all to be over with is enough to drive a woman to drink!

My poor dogs...I know they know something is going on...Eugene gives me those big brown eyes of his and I begin to feel guilty...I know I have enough love to go around, but he has been the center of our world for a long time. When I think of him, my heart aches. If you don't have pets you may not know what I am talking about but man...the love you have for your first dog is amazing! He is so darn cute I just want to bite him! I know he is going to be so good when the baby comes home. I read all the books on what to do before the baby comes. They say to ignore or don't show the same feelings for the dog before the baby comes...ARE YOU CRAZY???? He is my baby! And Libby...well Libby is the independant one. She comes to you when SHE wants to and only then. Just like her mom!

SO that is what is going on. Jeff just came home, so I am going to visit with him. Hugs and thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. Love ya all!!!

Before and After Pictures

2007-08-06T15:29:00.001-05:00

BEFORE

AFTER

...STAND BY...

2007-08-06T14:57:00.000-05:00

We are offically on STAND BY! She is going to go at anytime. I feel like I am a broken record! But from what the attorney's are telling me...they said...make sure you are ready at anytime. Lord knows...we have been ready! For weeks now! So...we are on Stand By...I feel like we are at an air port waiting to get to our destination...maybe someone won't show up and we can have their seats! Hugs

Another week in ...

2007-08-06T11:24:00.036-05:00

waiting! So I came to work today...I figured if I stayed home, I would crawl back in bed, then crawl out, then crawl back again! That would not be good...or I would have made peanut butter and fluff sandwich! My favorite! So Here I am at work...bored out of my skull!

So, this weekend was so much fun! We had the police stop by...yes that is right...the police. Remember my evil neighbors? Well they are at it again! harrassment 101! So, we had a fence that divided our years...12 years old and UGLY! Jeff and I discussed replacing it. So JAH (jackass husband) and CAW (crazy ass wife) Well to make a long story short...3/4 of the fence is on our property- JAH put it up 12 years ago - but only our property not his...therefore...it becomes our property. So we removed the parcel that was on our property and left the rest that was on his up. We were going to go behind it on our property. Well CAW called the police. Then the building inspector came over. Well they both agreeed that we were not doing anything wrong and that THEY were behaving badly and it is not a criminal matter it is civil. So the police officer told them that it would look better if they LET us remove HIS fence on HIS property so it would look clean. So...after 25 minutes...yes 25 minutes in 90 degree weather...making an issue about it. FINALLY JAH and CAW agreed to have us remove it. Well the next day the were on there property over looking my property taking pictures of the fence...I asked her what she was doing and she said that she was taking pictures for the civil case that they are going to put against us. I told her she was crazy and didn't have a leg to stand on, becuase they told the police that it was OK for us to remove it. She said the the police officer told her to take a picture. I called her a liar and figured...I will call the police officer over and settle this once and for all! So the Officer came over and told them they have no recourse since they told him to have us take it down! So today we are having our fence guys come back to extend the fence all the way down so they can never try to peek again! I will post pictures when I get home.

So on Saturday we stayed home and more problems with the neighbors, so we drank with friends from the street and tried to enjoy the day/night. It was hard. I have been under so much stress it is no wonder that I had to color my hair again after 4 weeks! We had a birthday party we were invited to...our best friends little girl...we were so stressed out from the day before and the morning, I couldn't leave the house. I wanted to make sure that the crazy neighbors didn't do anything to it. Thankfully our friends are wonderful and they understood our reasons for not coming to the party.

Sunday we recovered from the night before and went to my parents. Our birht mother was induced for almost 36 hours...poor thing...nothing! So now they are going to wait for her water to break on it's own. So keep those prayers coming! We haven't lost our minds yet.

I truly believe what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. As a person and as a couple! If we can get through this waiting we can get through anything!

Well...

2007-08-05T14:13:00.000-05:00

We are still here. And yes I have lost my mind. I have changed my blog for invited readers only for awhile. I just feel that right now I want only people who have been along this journey with us to share with us, what ever it is we are about to embark on. Our birth mother was in the hopsital since Friday. They tried to induce her, they did everything to get her moving...and NOTHING! So now we are waiting for her water to break. I can't tell you how we feel right now, because I really can't tell you the feelings. So I wanted to share with you what is going on, I know you all have been patiently waiting along with us! Hugs and Blessings. We are heading over to my parents to swim...

2007-08-03T15:17:00.001-05:00

Still here...haven't left yet...keep you posted. God bless!

T minus 1 -5 days...

2007-08-02T12:07:00.037-05:00

Ok...where does the 1 to 5 days come from you might be saying? Well if you are on my email list you know why. If not here is why. Our birth mom is going to be induced tomorrow if everything looks ok. If not it could be Saturday, Monday or Tuesday. So that is where it comes from. So I have been thinking...I am so darn excited I can hardly contain myself! And on the other hand I am so darn scared...not scared to be a mommy, scared that everything will go ok and everyone will stick with the plan. The stress is overwhelming! So, since we are the coupleless child shouldn't this be our time to shine??? Like it has been for all of our friends and family? I would hope so...but you know how it goes. We will see what happens.

It is very hot out today. Normally we would go to my parents house to swim. Today I am not sure. We have alot going on. We have a fence being installed tomorrow (of all days) Then we have to make sure we have everything...camera, video recorder, paperwork, husband...LOL : )

So think of us tomorrow and I will post as soon as I hear! I am not sure if I will sleep tonight...but last night...I slept like a baby! I was in the pool for over 3 hours...i think it really helped my back and helped me sleep. So maybe I can convince Jeff to go over tonight!

Jeff is so excited! I am so excited to see him become a daddy! It is funny , I was talking to a client today who is buying his frist house. He said "you know everyone is an expert! If you rent and they own a house they are an expert...if you have no children and they do they are the expert" I was cracking up! You all know what I mean...when we were TTC people were telling us what to do...have sex every other day until AF arrives, Lift your ass up afterwards for an hour...they when they know you are pregant and/or adopting they say something like "Watch and Learn" Yeah thanks...we will take it from here. I loved registering...friend's were even saying "oh don't register for that...you will never use it" DISCLAIMER: Ok you know I love you all...BUT I WANT IT!!! IT IS MY BABY NOT YOURS IT MIGHT WORK FOR ME! and if it doesn't work oh well!

I was talking to a good friend of mine who just had a baby shower and she was complaining that people didn't buy off the registry. She had me dieing of laughter...she said " if i regisiter for it...i want it...that is why we put those cards in the invitation!" I was dieing! But how do you say that in an invitation? Tactfully? That is a tough one.

I had a friend call me and tell me that a friend of hers lost her baby 4 weeks before the due date and she asked me what she should do...I told her from someone who has been there...Just listen! That is the best thing you can do...listen and be there for her, so when she is ready to talk you will be ready to listen! That is what I think mom's should do with new mom...if we ask for help...HELP! You all know I WILL ask for help! I have never been one not to ask for help!

When I delivered our son at home, we were new to our neighborhood. I really didn't know anyone. My friend who I did know was out of town on vacation. So I called a friend that I had JUST be come friends with. Who knew that she would now be one of my best friends. God works in crazy ways! So my best advise is to listen and be there for your friends. And if it is their time to shine...let them shine!

ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: MY SPELLING IS HORRIBLE AND SINCE I AM A WRECK...IT IS EVEN WORSE. GRAMMER MIGHT BE A LITTLE OFF TOO. I AM WRITING THIS FROM WORK SO I DON'T HAVE ALOT OF TIME. PLEASE BERE WITH ME! hUGS

We have some NEWS!

2007-08-01T08:27:00.038-05:00

Hi everyone. I spoke with our birth mom yesterday...it was so good to hear from her! She sounded well and you could hear the end is in site in her voice. We are thinking he will be born some time between Friday and Monday. He sounds like he is going to be a big boy! They are going to induce her, but they have to check a few things before they do to make sure all is well. So keep those prayers coming!

I was thinking about something this morning while I was in the shower (BTW I do my best thinking and singing there!) We have been through so much...Trying to get were we are that I often wonder when it is easy for others to get pregnant, some of them take their kids for granted. You see people in the stores, yelling at their kids, or in the parking lots or anywhere else...I often look at them and shake my head. Now, I am not saying I will not yell at my kids, but my mother never yelled at us in public, why would I...Is that a learned behavior...they way we raise our chidren?

Nothing is ever guarenteed in life. We may want things to go our way (like having him home in mid july) but the only one who knows how your life is going to go is God. So why try to do things that may conflict with what his plan is. I learned that by thinking or having some place tell us that we could have our baby home before christmas. So all the stress was a waste when I could have enjoyed my time with my family. If you have to push a situation to get what you want out of it...was that meant to be. I think looking back on our Match, everything has gone according to plan...just the way it should. Now that doesn't mean that I wanted it to move faster...because boy did I ever! But I would not want to change a thing. I think of where my stress settles in my body and it is my back...where is it for you? Your stomach, your head with headaches? We all deal with stress differently.

On Monday, I turned all my stress over to the Lord when it came to our adoption plan. I felt releaved, like a weight was lifted off my back! Try turning something over to him that you have going on in your life. What an amazing feeling it is. Just ask him to take it for you....pray to him! It is amazing how it works! Hugs

Greetings from home...still...

2007-07-31T12:54:00.002-05:00

Hi all...we are still here...still patiently waiting! It is another hot one here and I can't wait to go to my parents to swim! We usually go after Jeff get's home from work. We swim, eat dinner and visit with my mom and dad. The good thing is...they are our friends too! So we always have a good time over there. We are all looking forward to next summer when our little guy can swin with us! We plan on giving him swimming lessons over the winter, so he is not afraid of the water. I figure we will start him young! My parents have owned their home for 21 years and you never get sick of swimming or going over there. It is funny...we spend every good day their in the summer and see them maybe 10 times durning the winter. I know that is going to change...this winter we will see them alot!

I have been reading this great book my friend Michelle gave me about preparing for the baby to come home and then what to do! Good lord...there is so much! LOL I bought some stuff from Babies r Us yesterday...bottle stuff, and a snack holder that is a formula holder too! Perfect! I bought 2! Then I bought some nipples...that is where I always get confused so i bought a few. We will see what kind of eater he is!

So here we are still home...patiently waiting...I think he might be about 8lbs when born! A nice big healthy boy!

We're still here...

2007-07-30T09:55:00.007-05:00

Yes we are...I guess it was false labor. Oh well. In good time. We are all ready to go so when the call comes we are ready! I have turned over this part over to God. I can't handle the stress anymore. It is killing me. We have no control over this and it is crazy to be this stressed out. I feel so much better this morning after turning it over. What a weight that has been lifted. It is any day now, so I will go to work and continue my same old routine. So I lied when I said you would see my next post annoucning our little guy. It is hard to stay away from blogging. It seems to be the place I can go and let it all out.

This summer has been so hot, I feel so bad for those who are pregnant this year. My mother said this is the type of summer it was when I was born.

So, we are still here...very patiently waiting...truly we are!

This is my last post until...

2007-07-28T18:47:00.000-05:00

We have him home. I spoke to our birth mom today...and she is having contractions. Poor honey, she sounds so tired and uncomfortable...I feel for her!

They are about 20 minutes apart. The doctor sent her home and told her to rest.

SO she will either go tonight or sometime in the next few days. We are at my parents getting one last swim in, then we are heading home to get the car packed, and then we wait for the call to come! So we need lot's of prayers and well wishes for everyone! Thanks for all your support during this wonderful jounery and my next post will be announcing our son! (God willing) Hugs and Blessings!

Happy Birthday Michelle!!!!

2007-07-28T10:14:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday to my friend Michelle!

Here is a little story on 1 degree of seperation...

This is the short version...

It is funny how life works. Years ago when I was single I had a friend named Sal. We were very close friends and did everything together. His family owns a beautiful house on the lake so we would hang there all summer for 2 or 3 summers. Well his cousin had a friend named Chuck. I always thought he didn't like me. He seemed to pick on me alot. But he was/is a very nice guy. So for those summers we would hang out and be at the same parties. A few years ago, Jeff and I were talking and he mentioned his sisters BF and I realized it was Sal's cousin's wife! How funny! This was way before I even knew Jeff. Lisa and I were at the same wedding and so was Chuck.

Fast forward to the year 2006. I was talking with my friend Sal whom I lost touch with over the years. We were talking about how Jeff and I were in the adoption process. He told me that his cousin's friend Chuck and his wife had just adopted a baby boy...from the same agency that we were with. But little did I know that it was THE CHUCK from years past until Sal mentioned his wifes name...Michelle! Well Michelle and I were talking on a Yahoo board through our agency, and we had planned to go to lunch together the next day or so. I called her and was so excited that she married Chuck! Well, I really feel blessed to have Michelle, Chuck and their son Aidan in our life. It is amazing how things work out. Who would have thought that life would come full circle like that. I know that our boys are going to be great friends!

So here is to you Michelle...Happy Birthday! You are a wonderful friend and I am blessed to have you as my friend! Thanks for all the support and being there for me during this stressfull and emotional time! Love Ya! I am looking forward to our playdates!

Does Cleaning and Crying go toether? (T minus 7 days)

2007-07-28T09:54:00.000-05:00

Well does it? Because that is what is happening to me. I am dusting and vacuming the house...again! Today I am going to work on the kitchen. I am listening to my christian music on the TV and life is good. But what is with the crying? AF is not here or close...so maybe they are tears of joy. Who knows.

Got another GREAT night of sleep! From 10:30pm right through to 5:00am when Jeff alarm went off. Then, my hubby lock himself out of the house, so he called me at 6:45am so I could give him his keys! I figured I was up I would do stuff... well then I saw the cutest little face on my bed...his name is Eugene! I had to kiss it and love him...the next thing I knew it was 9:00AM!!! Wow Thank you god! He must know that my days are numbered when it comes to sleep! I read the paper, drank my coffee, called Amy and chatted for a few minutes until our call got disconnected, checked out some blogs and now I am doing my blog, and then I will finish dusting and vacuming. I think I am going to tackle the kitchen. Normally Jeff does that but I think I will. Everything else is done, so why not! I could go out and shop...but I am going to save my money. I was thinking about going to some garage sales...but I began to think...I have so many boy clothes that I don't really need anything and we plan on having a shower after he gets home, so I don't want to buy anything I can get new.

Jeff and I had a great night last night. We don't have to say anything to each other...we just know...these 58 days have been so wonderful...reconnecting with each other...falling more in love then ever before...the words can't describe the love I have for him.

Life is going to change...our quite home is going to become, some what noisey...for a time...and that is ok. Jeff and I both come from a home with 2 kids. Our houses were always quite even with 2. I guess that is what we are useto. That is ok. If we are blessed with 2 children so be it...it is in God's hands' not ours. If this is his plan to have only one...we are so fine with that. My mother is an only child and she turned out great! We will see. It is all God's plan not ours. We will wait to see what he has in store for us. Let's just get our little guy home. As mom would say..."don't get ahead of your self...be happy with what you have and let Him decide. "

Hugs and Blessings...Today I am PATIENTLY WAITING

Life is good... (T minus 8 days)

2007-07-27T13:53:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I am better now. My ranting is over and I feel so much better! Only thing is I want our boy home!!! Ok... I said it and I won't say it again in this post only! I think back at all the time that Jeff and I have spent together and I wouldn't change a thing. I have grown up so much during our marriage. He is the love of my life and I am ready to share him. I am sure I will be jelious when daddy and his little buddy go out and leave mommy home alone (maybe, maybe not LOL) Or when he wants daddy to hold him instead of me. I have waited 6 long hard years to see a baby of ours in his arms. I dream about it...almost every night. Last night I had another dream about them. Daddy was outside playing ball with is little buddy. I know this was God's plan all along. I look back at the frightful day of August 23, 2003 and think why me? Why would God have this happen to me. Why am I the one who delivers her baby at home and have him still born? Is this some kind of sick joke? I don't think so. We needed to feel that pain, to feel the joy we are about to feel. That night that Jeff rested his head in my chest as he said his goodbyes to our little Joe...that was a terrible moment...we needed to go through that in order to experience this joy that is about to hit us right between the eyes. (wipeing tears away)

So...now for some happy news. My house is the cleanest house on the block! I have been cleaning and cleaning...I was at work today and I was cleaning there! They must think I have lost my mind...and in a way I have...I sure have! We were at my parents house last night swimming again...and you could tell we are all ready! Mom and Dad are about to expolode! Everytime I call their house, Dad will answer and he will say " Is it time" and I say "nope" then his responce is "well what do you want?!" and we both laugh!

I had one of the best nights' sleeping last night. I slept all the way through until 6:45am when Jeff was leaving and he kissed me good bye. I felt great! Then I closed my eyes and woke up again at 8:15am. Went to work, then to Talbots (they are having a fabulous sale, and I had gift cards!!!), then home to do laundry and then Jeff came home for lunch. So that is my day in a nut shell or a blog post! I have to say I am addicted to blogging. Reading and posting! I know I am going to be on withdrawl when he comes...that is fine with me...bring on the shakes! Hugs and Blessings!

T minus 9 days

2007-07-26T09:41:00.048-05:00

Well it is 9 days till the due date. It is hard to explain how I am feeling. I am anxious, nervous, excited, upset, gitty and every other emotion you can think of. So many People have been telling me he will come when he is ready. OK, PEOPLE...I get that...you don't have to say that anymore. Understand what we are feeling. We have been married for almost 7 years. 6 of those years we have been trying to have a family. Now we are matched and we are waiting...now this wait is like no other unless you have been in our shoes. If you have gone through the month after month of not being pregant, then going through all of the infertility tests and procedures, then you get "the turkey baister" to get your pregant. Then you are finally pregnant 4 times! Then you lose all your babies and deliver one at home. Now You and your husband have finally decided to adopt. Now you have to jump through hoops to prove that you are fit to be a parent...( now remember all this while your friends are getting pregnant left and right...all the while you are losing your babies) FINALLY you get approved to adopt...then you have to go through being profiled...do they not like us because I have dark hair and Jeff has blonde hair. Or maybe it is because we have dogs, or maybe it becasue we DON"T have children. All this and you have turned it over to the Lord, because he is the only one who knows when it is time for you to have a family.

So fast forward to 9 months and you are matched! How exciting it is. Just like when you found out you were pregnant for the first time. Now it seems to be becoming a reality that you infact are going to be parents. As the due date approaches you are increasingly getting more excited. You have cleaned your home everyday since July 1st. (Due date August 4th) Knowing the history of your birth mother, the baby could come at anytime. So here we are today, July 26th, 2007...9 days to go...you are no longer patient and are sick of people saying "he will come when he is ready" Please say nothing at all! That would be of great help to me. Please try to put yourself in our shoes...Please be kind to an expectant mothers feelings. I am very emotional, very anxious and I am not in a good mood.

Jeff and I have been ready to be parents longer then most people who try to get pregnant on their own. If you were fortunate enough to look at your husband and get pregnant, praise god! But please respect expectant adoptive mothers' feelings. Unless you have walked in our shoes (our=anyone who has ever experienced IF and M/C is now on the adoption journey) I know this posting sounds a bit nasty...it is not intended to be that way...I wanted people to walk in our shoes for a minute to see what it feel like to be in our shoes.

It's Official...

2007-07-24T11:31:00.012-05:00

I am losing my mind! 11 days till his due date! I am losing my mind! I can't think of anything other then HIM! He is just not ready to come out...I think he wants to be 8 lbs.! Which is fine with me...the bigger the better...but...all I want to do is shop! That is not a good thing for me! Loving to shop is one of my trates that is bad. I am now hooked on Wal-Mart. Never thought those words would ever come out of my mouth! Yes that sounds snobby...I guess I am! I grew up in Amherst...what can I say...I admit it...I am a snob! I love Wal-Mart. Maybe becasue I am being a mom and have to be more practical about money...they have great buys...but somethings are not priced great...you have to be careful! They have a great return policey...unlike...Target! Bad Target Bad!

So here I sit in my office at work...looking out that same window I looked out before I knew I was going to be a mom. How things look...So here I am still Patiently (not) Waiting!

Upper Endoscopy anyone????

2007-07-23T17:13:00.010-05:00

Well...I finally did it...I had my upper endoscopy done! It wasn't fun! Acid Reflux isn't fun! It has started since the adoption process took full speed ahead. I would say about 3 months. So, I am not one to go and have tests done. They can never find a vein...that is what my fear is the most. Getting pricked all over my arms and hands ins't fun! After about 15 mins., I told her to try it on my left hand...history has shown that is where it works...so she did and man oh man did that hurt!!! My left hand is killing me! It even hurts to type! So this will be a short post. I was a nervous wreck, dad drove me and he was a good sport. I had him holding on to my cell phone, just in case...but nothing!

So we are STILL Patiently waiting....

My last Sunday...

2007-07-22T12:02:00.021-05:00

This could be my last sunday without a baby...so what have I been doing...Jeff woke me up with coffee and newspaper in bed. Then he made breakfest, and then I sat down in front of the TV and watched The Devil Wears Prada! I have been wanting to see this movie for a while and finally I have watched it. It was cute. Love the clothes! Wish i was a size 2! Man would I have killer clothes. Jeff is downstairs making the shelves for the baby's room.

It has been a nice relaxing Sunday morning. I have been crying all morning...why...I don't know. Right now I am so happy and feel so blessed to have the family and friends that I have.

Soon I will be a mommy...a mommy to a son...Son's love their mommies don't they? I know they do. I have always said I long to hear the pitter patter of little feet on our floors in our home.

We bought our home with the intent to have children running though the house. Running in our yard, calling me mommy and Jeff daddy...now our dreams are coming true. When looking back, I never thought I would be a first time mom at 36. Then again, I never thought I would be married to the best husband in the world. ( I know we all think our husbands are the best) My husband cooks, grocery shops, wood works, gardens...he does everything extrememly well. I never thought that I would have 5 miscarriages and a still born son. I never thought that I would have twins who now live in heaven.

Last night we went for a drive, this time we headed south...we went along with lake...what a beautiful night it was. We then chatted with our friends down the street and then came home. These quite days are coming to an end...the end is near...but oh what a begining it is going to be!

Pet Peaves...

2007-07-21T15:47:00.028-05:00

Not sure if that is the right spelling but oh well...you know what I mean. So I was at Wal-Mart...my new favoriate store for some things...and I got in line and in front of me was a woman paying by check...COME ON...use your debt card! So then her daughter was behind her buying a $2.00 item and the mother paid for that too...separate check...UGHHHHH!!! So now I stand behind these two...for 10 mins. I should have been out of there in 3 mins! So here is my short list of pet peaves.

1. Retired people driving before 9am and driving after 4pm! You have all day while all the working people need to go to work and come home from work.
2. Retired people going shopping after 5pm during the week and on Saturday and Sunday. You have Monday - Friday to shop...why do it when people who work need to go shoping????
3. My evil neighbors who play baseball on their front yard and continuosly hit the ball in our gardens...there is a baseball diamond at the end of our street! If she was a smart mom she would take them there and show the the rules of the game in a proper way. (Jeff said...even though we have a big yard I am going to show him how to really play ball...(( I really loved hearing him say that))
4. People who smoke...anywhere...why do I have to smell your smoke while I am in my car with my windows open enjoying the air.

I think that is it for now. What are yours???Care to share??? Love to hear!!!!

Nothing on the baby front. All is quite...still patiently waiting! Ok...I lied...I am no longer patient! Due date 2 weeks away!

Quick update...

2007-07-20T11:36:00.007-05:00

I am at work, so I will give a quick update...Ok...spoke to our birth mom last night...she sounds so tired...(at almost 9months preg. so would I) Her Doctor appointment went well. She has "dropped" and the pressure is very uncomfortable! She can't sit for long periods of time and laying down on her back she gets relief. So...that is good news...baby is doing really well and so is birth mom. Praise God! I will be talking to her this weekend...anyone have a guess as to when he will be hear??? My frined Katie said the 27th...Jeff thought the 17th. Anyone else care to guess?? Well...keep checking! It is a beautiful day...I think I am going to cut out early! Hugs and Blessings

Rainy days and Mondays...

2007-07-19T15:41:00.002-05:00

Or Thursdays...It was a bab morning for me...I cried all day...My mom woke me up with...Turn on NBC they are talking about the 6 babies...so I turn it on and cry the whole time. Then I come down stairs, get my coffee, go to the basement to do laundry...and I start crying again! So I figured...Let's color my hair...maybe that will make me happy!? So I do that and my friend Kris calls and invites me to have lunch with her and the girls. Thank go for friends...I am all better now! But man....rainy days and thursday...get me down!!! Hugs

So Sorry!

2007-07-19T15:16:00.005-05:00

Hi all... no baby yet! Sorry I didn't post yesterday...busy with work and spending time with Jeff. I also was tending to my garden. While we were sitting in back our neighbor walked by with he 6 week old baby boy! We are both so excited...Max and Julian will be playmates! How exciting!

Spoke to our attorney today...everything is still on track...so we are still patiently waiting! That is all the news I have today. Oh he is up to 7 lbs now!! Grow baby grow!!!

-------> This is a picture of my girlfriends...Lisa and Kris. Kris watches a little boy during the summer and that is who is in the stroller, and what a good baby he is!

**** Girls, I decided not to post the group photo...no one would have been happy! We had fun at Kris's house. All the kids were there and it was a great afternoon. (we could have done without the humidity!!!!) YUCK!!!

No news is....

2007-07-17T13:13:00.007-05:00

KILLING ME!!! Hi all...we are still home...waiting for the call! She is 38 weeks and all is well. We are just waiting...should hear something soon. Thanks for all the emails and phone calls and well wishes. I have my group of friends who will be making calls and sending out emails when the time comes...so make sure you are on one of the "lists" I have been home today...off work...getting things ready...car seat is in car ready to go! diaper bag is packed, suit case is packed...house is clean, laundry is done, dogs' food is done and so is the bird. So everything is in check...except the camera and video recorder. So I have to work on that stuff today. Back to work tomorrow to get the office in shape.

I think Jeff is losing his sense of humor...I think he is nervous and anxious like I am too. I thought I was going to throw up last night...LOL I was getting so nervous! It is a good nervous! Yikes... I am going to be a mommy soon!!! Holy Cow!

We are still PatientlyWaiting (NOT)LOL

Amazing Sunday...

2007-07-15T19:55:00.039-05:00

What a great day we had today! After a terrible night sleep... both of us...Jeff woke me up and asked if I wanted to go to church...I rolled over and said...Nah. not today...then I said yes...let's go! Jeff agreed and said that we will miss a few weeks when the baby comes, so it is a good idea. Well, I would have been very upset if we didn't go. Pastor Wes was giving the service today. I love when he preaches! It is amazing! It was all about how God created us! He picked me to be me...to have the struggles, the ups and downs...the most amazing husband...everything. How lucky am I! We laughed and cried at the same time.

Also today was the baby dedications. Normally I would want to get up and run away from that. Today was different...I think for both Jeff and I. He took my hand, and we sat there together and talked about each baby. Jim Kelly (ex- quarterback for the Bills...) His brother Dan and his wife were having their children dedicated. They have 4 boys and finally a girl! What a great family! They were so cute up there. Jeff and I both looked at each other and at the same time we said... we will be up there soon! Baby dedication's in our church are a big event. There are no god parents, just you, your husband and your baby...it is truly wonderful!

After church, we met with Katie and Pat and their children, talked a bit and then Katie gave me a bag full of bottles! yeah....I love getting things from friends...stuff that their children used. I can't wait to get new stuff too! After we were done chatting away...we drove to Tom Towers. But we took the long way. I think if I was told that I had only a day to live and they asked me what I wanted to do... I would say...take a long drive along the sea way trail with my hubby. When I was little my mom and dad and us kids would go for a drive along the same sea way trail that Jeff and I do. We hold hands, drive slow and enjoy the time together. It might sound goofy but it is so romantic. We talk about the house we would buy if we won the lottery and how we would buy alot of land and move my parents there too. This is something we will do when the baby comes too.

I know that God has a plan for everyone...our plan is different then all of our friends...they all had children early in their marriages...but for us...we will be married 7 years in September. we have had 7 wonderful years together...while we were young and spunky. Vacations we have taken, we have been able to complete our home the way we wanted it...have 2 great dogs...and so much more. I am so blessed to have such an amazing husband. He is so good to me. have I told you that he cooks...and bakes...and does so much for me. His love is amazing...I wouldn't change a thing...not one thing! I love my life and everything in it.

We are still Patiently Waiting...

The days are getting shorter...

2007-07-14T13:46:00.006-05:00

For real...so are our days...the closer we get to our due day the faster the days are going. We had dinner at our best friends house last night...what a great time. We laughed all night...Jeff really enjoyed himself too. We are truly blessed to have this family in our life. Their youngest son is our god son...Amy's brother was in town, so it was great to visit with him and the rest of the family. When we ealked in Amy said (I am not quoting...I can't remember exactly what it was but when something like this.) "you couple only nights are coning to and end" Man is she right!

So tonight we are renting a movie and having a pizza! Our own little cheap date night at home. I love spending time with my hubby. He completes me. I called him this morning to find out what he wanted to do and when I got off the phone I said to my mother...I feel like we are date each other again! It is such a cool feeling.

Our Birth Mom is going to the doctors on the 17th...so we will she how she is doing...she is just over 37 weeks...at 35 weeks he was already 6 lbs. So by now we think he could be up to 7lbs.

So mom and I went shopping today...we were looking for containers for the flower arrangements for the shower and invites. We had a very productive day! We found both! Bounus! Now I have to make up the list and get that over to mom by the end of the weekend. There maybe a change of date for the shower...depending on if he arrives early. I am not searching for the best price for announcement cards. Everything is so expensive! It is crazy! But you know me...only the best!

My MIL's boyfriend had a massive heart attack and had triple by-pass surgery yesterday. He is in ICU and is recovering. What a crazy week it has been in Jeff's family. His sister had emergency surgery to remove an ovary...she is doing great! She is very lucky, she has already had her 2 children and was just diagnosed with endometriosis. Lucky for her she doesn't plan on having anymore children. She really didn't have any problems conceiving her children either. It amazes me how some women have problems TTC and others don't. It is a mystery to me!

So everyone is on the mend and we hope things get back to normal before the baby comes. He is entitled to have all the attention on him. Is that selfish of me? I don't think so. SIL's children have had the spot light on them for a long time. It is now our turn.

We are still Patiently Waiting...

One of those days...

2007-07-12T17:30:00.041-05:00

I am having one of those days...AF has arrived and I hate her! Every month...I always hold out a little hope that maybe she won't come this month...maybe...but she always shows up! Lucky me! So I guess I am feeling sorry for myself...I guess a girl can do that...I am entitled! Even if I weren't I would! We have been matched for 43 days...seems like a life time...feels like a life time...have you ever just gotten to the point where you feel like you want your life to begin...that is how I am feeling.

Everyone who knows me knows I am and want to be in control of everything...but for this I am not. I am cool with that...that is life. If adoption has taught me one thing it is I have no control over anything. I wish I could wave my magic wond and have all my girls (J, B, P, T, & S) ((You know who you are)) matched and waiting for their baby. I wish there was no heart breaks when it came to adoption. We all have been waiting for various length and reasons. Some have children at home, and some do not. Ladies justso you know I pray for you everyday and night that your baby comes home soon.

People who haven't been though this process don't understand how hard it is. If you are with an agency...they call you to see if you would like to be profiled for a potential adoption situation, if you say yes...you wait for the call...then the call never comes...you wonder...did she choose another couple? Why didn't she pick us. Well...those questions most time don't get answered. So we as prospective adoptive parents have to go through the stress of waiting to hear if we were pick. JUST CALL!!! I don't understnad why they don't call to let the PAP know...that waiting time is so stressful...how hard is it to pick up the phone and let those PAP know that it wasn't their baby? It just kills me! Jeff and I have often talked about what it would take to open up an agency...first of all we know it is ivery political and then our minds wonder over to how we would handle situations and the one thing we both agree on is we would call to let the PAP know as soon as we know, so they wouldn't have to go through that. It is just a phone call...I just don't understand it. That is my rant for the day! Love or leave it!

Bad Hair Day....

2007-07-11T12:51:00.034-05:00

You knwo when you have a bad hair day nothing works...well that would be today. My hair looks terrible...I am not kidding...terrible! So therefore nothing has worked for me. My outfit for one...I tried on 5 different outfits...nothing looked good!!!! NOTHING! And not only does my hair look terrible...my face looks bad too! It is funny how things work out like that. I am getting my hair cut tomorrow...thank god! Maybe I am having a bad day...then AF arrived this morning...not sure if she is going to stay...she just poked her head out...make up your mind!!!! If you are going to come...do so! Work is slow so I am ready to scream! I am so bored...so maybe I will go home..do some laundry...clean out a closet or two...today is garbage day...Jeff's favorite day of the week. LOL

It has been raining on and off all day...this is the kind of day where you just want to stay home and curl up in the bed and not get out all day. Turn on Lifetime and have a good cry! Ever have a day like that? Well I am off...I am leaving work now...to slow and I am not wasting anymore time here. Hugs

You know you are at ...

2007-07-10T17:39:00.000-05:00

an Italian's house when...it is 93 degrees outside and you are having pasta for supper! YEs...we are at my parents house...again! Well, truth be told we are here all the time in the summer. In the winter it is maybe once a month...I think by August we all get on over load...by October we are dying to be together again! So the pool water was 87 degrees today...and dad was proud..."that is without the heater!" It was, believe it or not refreshing! Then after about an hour I start to get the goose bumps and get out. Jeff is always the last out.

So I sit here at my mothers computer, smelling all th smells of an Italian meal...prepared by an Italian mother. Life can't get any better then this...(well, it can...with a baby here...soon enough!) The buggie is ready for him...we are still...patiently waiting!

Packing...oh how I hate to pack!

2007-07-09T12:42:00.009-05:00

Oh this is my least favorite thing to do...packing for a trip! I never know what to bring...will it be warm or cold, rain or sun, dressy or not! So last night Jeff said to me...you should start packing so when we get the call we are ready to go. So I started...so not only do I have to pack for him, but also our little guy! How much will he weigh...under 8lbs...then he can wear the NB clothes or over 8lbs and he can wear the 0-3 months????? Decisions, decisions! So I am packing for both! Then what else do I need to pack...diapers, wipes, nunna's...and the list goes on!!!! I know such trival things to worry about! My life could be much wose! So now I am more overwhelmed then before! UGHHHHHH

So tonight after our company leaves, I will finish packing...life as we know it is no longer normal...LOL

We bought a new stroller and car seat and that is ready to go too. So we are still waiting! The waiting is good...means he is getting bigger by the day!!!!

WE HAVE A WINNER

2007-07-08T17:10:00.000-05:00

Paulette and Jodi...finally! Yes....we found out on Tuesday...our birth mother had 3 u/s... it was a girl...then she had to have in internal u/s and low and behold...there it was...he is all boy!!! So we are waiting for our SON to arrive! I always thought I would have a son first...not sure why...just did. I have followed the same path of my mother....she too had multiple m/c and a still born, then they adopted my brother...then 9 months later she became pregnant with me. I am not saying that I am pregnant or that we are trying, because we are not. It is just interesting how things work. We just want our son home.

It took a few days to come down from the fact that we were not having a girl anymore. I don't mean we are disappointed, because in no way are we. We are so thrilled!!!!!We had to take things back and exchange them for "gender neutral" just in case they are wrong again. Everyone is very excited...now my MIL will have 3 grandsons! She was disappointed, I could hear it in her voice...I understand...I do.

I think Boys are the sign of the times. There have been 2 boys recently born on our street...all within the last month and a half. My good friend had a boy this spring...there have been more placements of boys in my group of adoption friends all around the country. So we are having a BOY!

Ok...here is a little political rant! We were putting the pack n' play together...the instructions we in Spanish! COME ON PEOPLE!!! THIS IS THE USA!!!! What is up with that! We are very intelligent people...the English that was printed in the booklet was minimal. I was disgusted!
Since this is the USA and English is our first language, can we make that the predominate language please! If I wanted a pack n' play in Spanish I would have gone to Mexico and bought it there! That is my feeling on instruction booklets!

Another great Sunday!

2007-07-08T10:31:00.014-05:00

Well we got up early this morning anticipating going to church...then we remembered that there was a Flea Market down the street from My parents in Getzville. So we watched church on TV (channel 7 at 7:30 am every sunday) got dress and got on the road. We were really looking for old wooden toys from fisher price for the baby's room to put on the shelves...they had them, but they were $45-65 per toy! OUCH! Well we didn't buy any and walked around then left. We then went to Tom Towers for our weekly produce shopping, then to Lewiston where we stopped for day old pizza at Di Camillos Bakery...The best day old pizza in town. So as we were walking back to the car, bags in hand, holding hands...I said to Jeff...these days are coming to an end where we can just jump out of the car and go into a store. Soon we will be unloading a baby!!!!! He smiled!

There are so many things I want to do with our baby...so many...I don't want to wish the time away...so I am going to enjoy our last days together as a couple! Later today we are going to my parents to swim and have a BBQ.

Mom and I had a great time at BRU...we did some shopping but we also registered. I got there first and when my mom arrived it was like seeing a kid in a candy store where the candy is free. Her eyes lit up and got really big. She headed over to the clothes...little girl clothes...so I had to pull her away...then we headed to the other sections and began to register. It was alot of fun. She kept me grounded and we really ejoyed our selves! It was a great day!

This morning Jeff told me to start packing an over night bag so when we get the call we are on our way. So I am going to do that today...

Have you noticed anything different???????????? First one who guesses get a prize!!! Jen G and Dana...you can't guess...you already know...

Have a great day!!

Another hot one...

2007-07-07T08:31:00.014-05:00

Well this weekend is going to be hot again! I really am not a fan of the heat. I prefer it to be around 70 degrees and now that our birth mother is so far along, I feel bad because it has been such a hot summer. My mom told me this is the type of summer she had when she was pregant with me. Only difference is i was born at the end of June...we are not on July 7th! Everything is still on track and we are so darn thrilled I can hardly stand it! Mom and I are going to register today...Jeff doesn't really care on way or the other. He is so funny...I think he is getting bored and just wants the baby home! I agree with him! Not the bored part...whating him home.

I think mom is excited that I am including her. Why not this is her first grandchild and maybe her only, so since we are best friends...I wouldn't want it anyother way! Plus she will keep me grounded. I am sure I would register for everything under the sun, if I could.

My girlfriend stoped by on Friday...she had her son about 4 months ago and he is already rolling over!!!! We are so excited...Rae and I worked together years ago...now our children will be friends! How cool is that!

I cleaned the baby's room on Friday...it is all set and ready to go...(except for the shelves Jeff is building, he will around to it soon) It looks so beautiful! I can't wait to have the baby in there! My friend lent me her grandmothers, Aunt's rocking chair...We think it is pretty old!!! It just makes the room! So that is where we are. We are still in town...haven't left yet...waiting for the call to come! Keep you all posted!

Are you are Reality TV Junkie????

2007-07-05T20:03:00.011-05:00

I am...my favoriate show is on again. Big Brother...What a loser I am. Why do I like it...I don't know. Jeff hates it but sits and watches it with me every year. I can't believe it has been on for 8 seasons. I guess I am not the only one.

Had a great day today...went to Amy's for lunch...Kris was there, Amy's mom and Amy's sister in law, along with all the kids. It was nice to see the girls. It has been a long time since we all got together.

It was a great day! Hugs and Blessings

Spoke to "A" Things are going well... she is tired but that is to be expected. Just waiting for the call. Keep you all posted!

What a week!

2007-07-04T22:27:00.011-05:00

It has been a crazy week and we are only half way through! Spoke to our birth mom and thing are going great! Doctor said it could be soon. Baby looks great! I know it sounds crazy...but I am scared! I know it is a normal feeling and everyone feels this way. I remember I had this feeling when we were pregnant...but now I am older and we have had almost 4 years more together. I am looking so forward to adding a baby to the family...just scared. All my girlfriends said they felt the same way...so I know I am normal! Jeff is so excited...it is so cute to see our men like this...I love it!

It was a very nice day even though it rained most of the day! We ended up going to our neighbors for dinner and had a lovey time. I just love our neighbors...Dave and Peggy and Scott and Jenny. We have become great friends! They are so excited about the baby too! I feel like it is all I talk about...good lord...I am sure I am boring people with it. My friend said I was glowing...I said of course I am in my 9 month...don't all expectant mothers glow???? We chuckled! It is going to be a week to end all weeks. I have taken 2 days off from work to do a bunch of stuff around the house. I am hoping to get up early, so I can go for lunch with the girls, but still get stuff done in the house! That is my plan! Well it is late, I should get to bed...I am wired...I had a half cup of coffee at 8:45pm...what was I thinking!!!!!

Putting it all together!

2007-07-02T10:45:00.005-05:00

So here is Jeff putting together our stroller. You would have thought he was putting together a million little peices! Oh What fun!!! So we have the stroller and car seat ready to go. Jeff asked me last night if the luggage was in the attic. I love that question...now he is thinking like I am. I am getting all the clothes together...getting stuff ready so when Mom comes to watch the dogs thing will be perfect for her. I love this process but I think it is making me crazy!!! I have check lists about my check lists!!!! Oh Lord help me!!! I wouldn't change it for the world!!!

Happy Fathers Day

2007-07-02T10:38:00.007-05:00

So every year we go to the Fort Erie Race Track, Ontario Canada for Father's Day. Only we go the week after. So here are a few pictures of our day. We go with Mom and Dad, Gram and Damon. It is always fun. The horses always remind of our dogs...then I get sad and I stop betting! Of course I didn't win anything! Jeff broke even and Gram always wins!

Here it looks like Gram has fallen asleep..she is really looking at the racing book! Jeff and dad were off placing bets! Mom is chatting away!

The Boss

2007-07-02T10:33:00.003-05:00

So...every Sunday in the summer we drive up to Youngstown and drive the sea way trail along the river and end up in Lewiston, NY for lunch. Well there is a spot that we turn around at and most of the time this goat isstanding on the platform. He looks so cute...as to say look at me...I am the boss! I had to take a picture of it and share it with you! He is the BOSS!

I will not be broken!

2007-07-01T11:42:00.000-05:00

I have thought about this alot...but I will not be broken. I am so excited to me a mommy that I can't stand it. Jeff will be going back to work, he has been on vacation for 2 weeks and it has gone by so fast. We have been talking about when the baby arrives and what he will do about work for the first 2 weeks. My parents came over for dinner along with my MIL who I adore and who is so darn funny. She makes my mother and me laugh so hard some times. I know where Jeff gets his sense of humor from.

I have spoken to a few people and some have responded to my blog about the horrible, mean and uncalled for post the other day. (The person is from Virginia...I have tracked down the IP address.) I thank you all for your support and kind words. I really dislike when Trolls enter your site and say terrible things. But I will not be broken.

Being 36 for one day feels the same as it did at 35. Getting one year older is like finding another grey hair. It is bound to happen! Speaking of grey hair...I just had my hair colored and boy did it need it. I think my whole head is turning grey. My hair dresser said it is from all the stress I am under. I thought about that word...Stress...and yes I am. Waiting for the phone to ring with the announcement of "I am heading to the hospital" is worse then waiting for the phone to ring for "the call" It is very stressful. I am sure she is feeling the same way. We all have the same feelings only for different reasons.

We had a wonderful day yesterday. My darling husband, whom I love and adore...woke me up with breakfast and flowers. Then we went to Lewiston, NY for a Garden festival, hosted by Lewiston Garden Club. It was so nice seeing others' gardens and walking hand in hand with the man I love. We drove for a bit, went to our favorite farmers market...Tom Towers in Youngstown, NY. We go there every Sunday morning from June 30 until the weekend before Thanksgiving. ( We both said...this could be our last trip to Tom Towers with out a baby. I love when we think the same things.) We drove around the river and headed home. What a great day it was. Temperature was perfect and the clouds puffy. Then my parents came over and my MIL. My mother bought the cutest little outfit for the baby on her day home. Too cute.

Today is a day for nesting. Jeff and I are both doing things just to keep busy. Work tomorrow and another work week is ahead of us. I hope the rates get better. I am also hoping to take a few days off to spend with my friends and their kids. It is going to be a slow week with the holiday and all in the middle of the week. I think I am taking the later part of the week off. We will see. Chat soon!

A thought...

2007-06-29T10:46:00.000-05:00

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you.”
Matthew 7:7 (NIV)

I have 2 friends that are currently visiting their children in far off lands. International adoption must be hard. Knowing your child is so far away and you are here has got to be gut wrenching. I know it is hard for us Domestic Adoption parents, being matched and then waiting to see if it all goes through.

Through this adoption process I have grown up alot. Not just as a person but as a friend too. We have very different lives, come from all walks of life, but we have one common thread that keeps us close and friends...ADOPTION. I always knew I wanted to adopt. From the moment I was created, our family already had adoption in it. My brother was adopted. So from day one...I had it in me. Adoption was the plan. I never thought I would have infertility in my life, but maybe that was God's plan for me. To be infertile so that would ensure that I would adopt. We all have various reasons why we want to adopt. Some are infertile or some want to expand their family and can no longer do it biologically. Case in point. A situation has come their way, a friend of mine. Please pray that the best thing happens for these children. It would be wonderful for their family to grow through adoption.

I have never been the person to think that I deserve to be an adoptive parent. I have worked very hard at trying to become one. I know the situation that we have, could have the possibility of her not placing...I understand that, and it has happened to us before. (There was a little boy in May that we were chosen for, and the birth mother left the hospital, with the notion that we would be there to pick the baby up. Well we all know that we did not end up having that baby of our own. ) We have had many heartaches in our marriage when it has come to children. We have had our hopes and dreams shattered before. It is never easy when it happens but it does happen. We are still cautiously optimistic that this is OUR baby. All signs are ago...the situation that no one knows but us, our attorneys and "A".

I love having the lord in my life...he makes it so much easier when you fall to get back up again. We are still patiently waiting for the arrival of our baby. Patients is a virtue...

Published Comments

2007-06-29T10:12:00.000-05:00

I will no longer be posting information on Our adoption situation on this blog. I received a terrible comment from someone and I will not take that abuse from someone who knows nothing about our situation. Whether you are a Birth Mother or a adoptive parent emotions are high. If you feel the need to make a comment please email me directly. This blog is for friends not enemies. Our Birth Mother is a special person who is funny, kind and an incredible person and we are so blessed to have her in our life. When I posted that I was excited about her being dilated...that did not mean that I was excited that the baby is going to be born premature...It meant we were that much closer to becoming parents. I know all about March of Dime and the situation with preemie and when the Birth Mothers sings the paper work. I am well aware of how it goes. If you had read our entire blog you would have seen that we have had failed placements before. Every situation is different when it comes to adoption. Some are opened some are closed. Some birth mothers have no children at home and some do. Birth mothers make one of the hardest decision in the world.

I will pray for the person who post that ugly comment, that you will find peace in your life. And that you will learn not to spoil someone excitement. I have never walked in your shoes nor you in mine...but i have respect for all...God Bless

FOR THOSE WHO KNOW US, KNOW THAT WE WOULD NEVER ASK GOD FOR SOMETHING THAT WAS NOT RIGHT. IT IS IN THE LORDS HANDS AS TO WHEN THE BABY IS BORN. NOT OURS OR THE BIRTH MOTHERS. PLEASE BE KIND TO OTHERS.

Does infertility = guilt?

2007-06-26T07:56:00.000-05:00

So I thought I had passed the feelings of guilt when it came to infertility and not being able to carry to full term...guess I was wrong. We had Jeff's cousin and her family over for dinner. She has 3 adorable sons. Max is 4, Cole is 2 and Miles is 7 months. Well...Max looks just like Jeff when he was little. It is like looking into all the old photos of Jeff. I wanted to keep Max at our house. He is what I always thought our son would look like. I couldn't get enough of him. He is so smart and handsome. Jeff's' cousin is married to a guy who's mom use to babysit my brother and I when we were small. It is strange to think that we are now family. There has been alot of drama in Jeff's family due to his fathers new wife. But we are now re connecting his his cousin and her family. It was so nice to have them over. She got Miles dressed for bed in his little sleeper and I had to hold him. What a snuggle bug he is. I didn't want him to go...He was falling a sleep on me. It was wonderful. I can't wait to hold our baby. She gave us some great advise and I can't wait to share her with our family!

Things are moving along nicely. It is now 39 days and all is quite on the western front...Just the way we like it! We are going to The Trading Post today in Springville, NY. I have 4 large totes full of boy clothes...4! I can't believe it. So I picked through it and got alot of clothes to trade for new baby stuff that we need! So as I was picking through them...Jeff said...you better be careful giving all this stuff away...what if it is a boy!? I was so happy to hear him say that. There is alot behind that statement. Some of you may know what it is others my not...so we will keep it there!

I hope to write again soon. It is crazy in the summer when the weather is nice...we spend most of our time at mom and dad's house in the pool.

One last thing...4 days till I turn 36...ick!!!!!

2007-06-21T14:16:00.011-05:00

Proverbs 8:33-34, “Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. (NIV)

WOW...this is huge for me! It took me forever to really get this! We have been wanting to have a family for almost 6 years...actually...since we met on October 10, 1999. We discussed family on our first date at Friday's near the Galleria Mall. Not until we had 4 miscarriages and or little Joe did it hit me up side the head...LISTEN TO HIM! I tell people this all the time. You know when you are about to do something and you hear or say something in your head...don't go home that way or say hello to so and so...I feel that that is the Lord talking to me. That is how I handle situations...by listening to my little voice...GOD...telling me what to do. Gosh do I love to hear that voice. If it were not for that voice...we would not be on this wonderful journey to our daughter! So the next time you hear something...it may be very quite or very loud...listen and do what that voice says...now if I would just liten to it when it says "Step away from the cookies, ice cream or anything else sweet" I would be a thin woman! But it is not all about the looks...it is what is inside that counts! Love ya all!

They are at it again...Lord help us!

2007-06-20T18:10:00.000-05:00

So the evil neighbors are at it again! Yesterday when I pulled in the drive way..."M" came charging at me...that is the nicest way to say it...charging like a bull! She started yelling..."take all of your stuff off the fence we are removing it!" I was on the cell phone and I looked at her and thought..."she is surly crazy!" I told her that if she removed the fence she would have to replace...well she flipped out! She started to follow me up my drive way...as I was pulling in and then was yelling in between the houses! - Good Lord! So I went into the house told Jeff what was going on and he and my mother reminded me that the fence is on OUR property! When Her husband installed the fence he put it on OUR property...except for a half panel. So after she settled down, and she was out side I tried to approach her...she is very young and VERY immature! I told her that we have our survey and will give them a copy of it to show them that it is our fence. Well the Knuckle head that she is said "well we paid for it...it is our fence" Yeah well it's on OUR property...whether they paid for it or not! So now we are dealing with this non sense! Every year we are harassed by these people. Jeff is really getting to the point that he is now saying things...which says alot! We have contacted our attorney and we are going to let her handle it...but good lord woman!
for a side note...we called the police on they guys who work on their yard...they were spraying chemicals on our garden after Jeff had told them to stop and his response was that "his customer" told him to do it and he is going to do it. He then became very abusive to Jeff and Jeff wasn't going to stand for it. Jeff then called the police and when they arrived...a very handsome cop...if I might add came to the door, we explained to him what was happening. Then the cop went over to talk to him and he became abusive to him...so the cop knows that we were not blowing this out of proportion! So i think that is what sparked her to go crazy!
So, when she was ranting and raving...saying that we call the police on her all the time...which is a total lie...once in 3 years...that is not all the time! I said she was acting crazy! Holy Cow...you would have thought that I took her first born...she went nuts...I turned to Jeff and said...let's go back in side...she is losing control! So that is where we are with the crazy neighbors...They are pure evil! That is when I thought of this...“I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.” Psalm 16:8 (NLT)Every now and then I think God puts the devil in front of you to see what you will do. Well...isn't he funny...he put her right next to me! He has a funny sense of humor!
Everything is moving right along with the adoption. Only 1 month and 2 weeks left...6 weeks to go! I can hardly wait. I know that there is still a chance she may not place...there is always that chance...but it is in the Lord's hands and I know he will do the right thing! Everything is falling into place...the house, the baby, the job, our life in general. I am so thankful that I chose to turn it over to him and stop trying to being in control of everything.

Ok...things I need to know...

2007-06-16T10:12:00.000-05:00

Ok Ladies...here it is...since our sweet pea will be home soon, I am asking all of you...yes even the lurkers for help! When you came home with your baby...what is the one thing that you wish you knew that no one told you. I want you to be completely honest...tell me! If you are a lurker, now is your time to post! I know that there are some of you who read this who do not have children yet...your time is coming...so I am hoping this helps you too. Forward my blog along to your friends...I want to know all! I know that there things that will pop up that are unforeseen but with your help...maybe the surprises will be less!

It's Saturday night date night! I love Saturday night date night! I think we should have done this sooner. But I am glad we are doing it now. We have been together for almost 8 years and you forget what it is like to date the man you love and adore. Tonight we are going to Orazio's. We love it there! We had our rehearsal dinner there...it is soooooo good!

I can't find my camera adaptor for the computer! I am going crazy! I have so many pictures I want to post! So I am on a mission to find it! I am hoping I find it soon! I am going crazy!!!

Call me crazy...but...

2007-06-14T15:17:00.000-05:00

I like my own books! So I am now looking for the book called Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother by Jana Wolf. I don't like going to the library, I like my own books. Or someone elses that I can read on my own time and not the library's time. I know it is crazy but that is me. I hear this book is great. I have so many questions, feelings and concerns that it is now consuming my life...Like the adoption process to this point wasn't! So if you know of anyone who has this book and is will to part with it for a while let me know. I guess I am becoming cheap in my old age...ouch...36 in 16 days...but who is counting!

So we are at the 7 week mark...I was driving to work to day and I saw a friend of mine who's daughter is pregnant and is due July 17th. She looked so uncomfortable...ready to go...as I was driving away (after I told them our great news) and I was thinking...I hope our Birth Mother is doing ok with this heat...I know it was bothering her before and I am sure the last few days have been very hot for her!

We got some much done yesterday...Jeff starts his vacation on Saturday night! I can't wait! It will be nice tohave him home. There are so many things we want to get done...not things anyone else will notice...cleaning closets, basement, finishing the baby's room and gardening! The guys are coming over on Monday to do the flower beds and they are pulling out trees that were damaged in the October storm. I love to see the garden with a fresh layer of mulch!

Tonight, I am going out to dinner with my best girlfriends...Amy and Kris...It has been so long since we just chated! Now I can finally chat about our baby that is on her way. It is always diffiuclt to sit there and listen to everyone elses lives with their children when you don't have them. I think I have held up well! Soon they will have to listen to my stories! I CAN'T WAIT!

Stroller shopping...Nesting and everything else...

2007-06-12T12:08:00.000-05:00

Oh good lord! I thought car shopping was time consuming! Boy was I wrong! I like to shop...we all know that...actually...I LOVE to SHOP! So we are on a mission to find the right baby stroller and car seat...this is my mission...my mission to find this car seat and stroller at a really good price. I am picky...very picky so this is the car seat I want along with the stroller. Only problem is...Babies r us don't carry it in the Metro Lite. I love the Metro Lite...it is only 12 lbs it self...easy to lift and put in the trunk. I have a bad back so I have to be careful with what I lift. So now I am on a mission to find this car seat and stroller online for less. Jeff is such a good sport, I think he just likes being with me and spending time with me he doesn't care where it is. I am lucky! This I know. We have not done a full blown registry yet...we are waiting to do that until it gets closer to the due date. More like mid July. But I have been slowly adding things to the registry...it is fun but very overwhelming. I have friends that are calling telling me what they have for us...It is exciting.

Since I am straight comission I am limited to my time off...but you all know me...I am going to take as much as possible. Jeff is taking 2 weeks off...He JUST told his boss we are adopting...that is the difference with women...I have had my bill board up for some time...everyone knows we are adopting! So...Jeff is so excited! I have a private office so I am able to bring her to work...My boss is cool with this...I think he would rather see me working then not! So would hubby!

My mother calls me at work and tells me things she has thought of during her day about the baby's room or anything else relating to baby. My father said last night...every day he gets more excited! I love to hear that from him! I have always wanted my father to be here when I had a baby. I never had a grandfather, so it is so important to me that my dad is here. I am blessed with that also considering in January we almost lost him! I am taking off tomorrow to help jeff out with things in the house and to try to get caught up with work at home. I know that our house HAS to be in order when the baby comes...this is a must! I will go crazy if it is not! So things are moving along...53 days till our sweet pea arrives! Maybe sooner! Here is the stroller let me know what you think! I don't want anything too pink, there is going to be alot of pink, I wanted something trendy!

I was wrong...

2007-06-07T15:57:00.000-05:00

So when I am wrong about something I will admit it! We got our home study out to look over before we sent it to our attorney and it said that our date for completed home study was a month later then I thought! SO I have replaced my ticker! It has only been a little over 9 months. We got our Match call on May 30th...which would have been our 9 month and 1 day of waiting...just like a pregnancy!

So now we wait...we wait for our little girl to arrive...I wonder what she will look like...I don't care but I wonder! We have no sonogram of her...we don't know what the birth parents look like...I wonder...I don't care...what ever she looks like she will be ours...ours to hold, kiss, cuddle, play with, teach how to garden...how to cook...HOW TO SHOP!...how to be a wonderful little person...I can't wait to hold her and smell her...I am going to take one long big inhale and smell her and I am going to put that in my memory forever. I haven't seen Jeff this happy in a long time...The TTC or Infertility or Adoption Jounrey takes so much out of you...it wears you down...it trys to break you...but you must stay strong...I LOVE my husband...I can't wait to see him with our daughter. I want him to be the first to hold her...to smell her...to cry on her...to look at me with a tear in his eye...I can't wait! How many days?????? Ok...I am crying AGAIN!!! Will these tears ever stop!!!! I hope not...soon they will be tears of joy...laughter...Hugs and Blessings

TURN IT UP!

2007-06-06T18:39:00.000-05:00

Ever hear a song you haven't heard in a long time...you get so excited you turn it up???? Well I did today...Dark Side by Eddie and the Cruisers! Do you remember that movie...that is one of my mom's favoriate movie...not only did I turn it up...I opened all the windows...I figured I won't be able to do that so enough...So I will get it out of my system now. What a great song. Maybe I like it so much because my mom likes it. Who knows...good song!

Thank you!

2007-06-06T18:38:00.000-05:00

THANK YOU ALL MY FRIENDS! THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR WELL WISHES! WE ARE GETTING SO EXCITED AND YOU KNOW WE WILL KEEP YOU POSTED! THANK YOU AGAIN...AND CONTINUE TO PRAY!

WOW how powerful is this...

2007-06-05T11:46:00.000-05:00

Proverbs 29:11, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” (NIV)

Wow that is huge! THAT IS ALL I WILL POST TODAY...SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!

SO.............

2007-06-04T20:31:00.000-05:00

I have been hemming and hawing for a few days now whether to post or not to post, but after today I feel I MUST post. Last week we were called and told that we were matched! We were so excited...for the last 5 days I have been so stressed out...after today...I am more at ease. We have a fabulous birth mother who has chosen us! She found us on the Internet, on a website that I found a few months ago and spent all night that night deciding if I should post there or not...glad I listened to my little voice called God...can you stand it! We are expecting our daughter to arrive on or around August 4th. That is about 8 weeks away, but we are all hoping she comes sooner. I hope this for a number of reasons...I hope this because I am selfish and want my daughter home! I hope this, because I know that our Birth Mother is so uncomfortable with this heat! I hope this because we have waited so long for our baby to arrive. But I know the longer she stays inside the better.

I know most people don't announce this type of news until it is closer. But you know how I feel about the power for prayer. We know that God has us in his sights and knows we are ready and I now know it is for sure in his time, but will remain cautiously optomistic! We had a wonderful conversation today, our birth mother is beautiful, smart, funny, easy going and not a selfish person. I am so honored to have her as our birth mother I could cry OH and I have! She has a very good head on her shoulders and is very healthy. We have prayed and prayed...I have heard everything He has said to me and followed through with it. They say you should go with your gut feeling. All of the failed placements we have had...I have never had this feeling. It is an amazing feeling.

It is now my mission to help all my friends who are still waiting for their babies to come home. If you need suggestions on what to do please email me. I was touched by adoption 35yrs. and 11 months ago when I was born into a family that adopted a bi racial baby boy in 1969. I knew from the time I could think about being an adult that I wanted to adopt. I knew that I wanted to be that special family...because families who adopt are special. The most amazing thing is we are all adopted by the Lord. I wanted to share this with you so you can have the faith that it does and it will happen to those who TRUELY want it. Stick with it...it will happen...in his time! Hugs and Blessings

You can find us...

2007-06-02T20:53:00.000-05:00

every summer and most nights at my parents house. We call it getzville country club...price of admission is...dinner or dessert and you have to be a family member. So tonight we went to mom and dad's house...well today was like a nature preserve. Only problem is their dog...Hannah...a Spring Spanial...found and killed 3 baby rabbits! We found 2 alive...oh my gosh...I almost cried...they couldn't have been older then 2 days. We did not know what to do...so dad had a robin's nest that he found and placed the bunnies in there for safe keeping...I took some pictures tonight to show you the nature preserve they have going on at the getzville country club!

Baby Bunnies in the Bird's nest...did i mention they have baby birds in another nest near their fireplace... Here are geese in their pond...there are a bunch of baby geese..they are so cute...so many babies...all around me!

Here is dad and Jeff in the pool together...they really enjoy their sports talk!

What a week!

2007-06-02T12:26:00.000-05:00

I am so glad that this past week is behind us! Alot of emotions took place! I don't think I have ever been under this much stress in my life! We have a very good situation we are working on. We were found via the internet...how exciting to know that all those late nights paid off...at least this far. I have been ebaying a ton of stuff...I want to make money to buy things...but I don't want to touch our accounts or even think about CC's. If you are waiting to adopt...don't leave it up to others to help you. If you hear a voice in your ear telling you to place an ad...place that ad! If it is saying make up brochures and mail them to friends and family...do it! It is so time consuming but so worth it in the end.

I know nothing is guarenteed in life...but wouldn't it be nice?! We have so much stuff going on right now with summer and work and Jeff's cake business is booming! We are so busy preparing for what maybe...We are committed to the adoption! I know some people in other groups who waffle a little but...you know me...I could not let some one make the decision for me on who sees our profile...that is God's decision...I am glad I listened to those voices.

Just a side note...we were matched with 2 babies in May...2 can you stand it???? For various reasons...THOSE WERE NOT OUR BABIES!!!! Our baby is out there...on her or his way...getting ready to make thier apprearance...I know this...I feel it in my heart and in my stomach! This summer is going to go by so slow...I know this...keep praying...good things come to those who wait...and wait...and wait...

My Nephew Connor

2007-06-01T19:39:00.000-05:00

I had a lot of fun today. This is my nephew Connor. He is 3 and a half. We had alot of fun today, we went to the car wash, then he wanted to go to Dunkin Donuts, then we went back and played on just jungle gym. I see him, and spend time with him, and I know that I was meant to be a mom.

This is his brother Alex...he is holding plants that he is growing from school! He is 6 and my god son. He is so cute too

Prayers needed!

2007-05-30T22:31:00.000-05:00

We have a situation! a REAL live situation! All I am asking for is prayers...that is all I want to post...but is a good situation and it is a very possible situation. Thank god for the internet! All of those whipsers I have heard in my ear...all those late nights posting birth mom letters on various sites...all those brochures I mailed out...all that hard work...may have paid off! We will see soon enough! Just keep praying! If you could...please ask everyone you know to pray for us...pray that this is OUR baby! We have been through so much. I only recently told people, but we suffered a 5th miscarriage...I know that our plan is God's plan...so I am ok with it...but I really want this to be our baby! Please Pray That is all I am saying! Stay tuned!

I have also created another blog for all my gardens. Many of you have asked to see my gardens, so your wish is my command! Go to www.colettesgarden.blogspot.com I am hoping it works. Hugs and Blessings!

Our Street

2007-05-29T20:25:00.000-05:00

I love our street...not because I think it is one of the prettiest in our village, but because we have great neighbors who have become great friends...with the exception of our narcissistic neighbors next to us. Every year on Memorial day weekend we do a planting on our street. We have this great center medien. So here is a picture of our end. We do the planting and the maintaining of this. It is a great passion of ours...we love to garden!

Long Weekend...

2007-05-28T13:48:00.000-05:00

I have been so strong for so long...So long...this weekend I was not strong. I thought we would have been parents by this weekend. Having 2 failed placements...it hurts...we have a big planting day on our street on the Saturday before Memorial Day...I am the president...so this year I thought we would have had a little on to walk up and down the street with...Kenmore has a big parade on Memorial Day...we normally have people over with all their kids...this year I wasn't in the mood for it. I can't say I am depressed just sad...sad that our baby is not home with us yet. Sad that God's plan is our plan but not our time line. On Sunday, Jeff and I slept in...we had friends over for dinner the night before and had some wine, sat outside, and talked for hours...it was nice...the weather was perfect...our yard looks like a mini park with all the flowers and plants that we have been coultivating for a year now. It is a beatuiful yard...I must say...we have done alot of work over the last 5 years. We love to entertain, Jeff loves to cook...I want our children to run in the yard...barefeet...chasing the dogs...playing with their friends. I know that this day will come...I know this...I am thankful for a great husband, a great family and great frineds... but it is not enough...I long to be a mommy...dirty little fingers and toes...dirty little face with ice cream all over it.

Today we are going to my parents...we spend most of the summer there...they have an in ground pool...we joke and call it the Getzville Country Club...today is opening day! We are spending time with family...My brother who is a vet from the Iraqi war will be there...Thank a Vet for your freedom and your safety to walk the streets of your town with out having the fear for dieing...thank a vet! Hugs and Blessings!

Do you see HIM?

2007-05-22T16:48:00.000-05:00

“Although you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy.” I Peter 1:8 (NRSV)
Ok...so every morning and every night, I go into our baby's room and pray over the crib. I visualize our baby in there...I see him/her, I can smell him/her, I can even hear a faint cry. I see our baby everyday...in my mind and in my heart. I also see God everyday...I see him in Jeff's face, in the bunny that ran in front of my car today who looked at me like :oh S--T! If you look around you will see him...you just need to have your eyes and your heart open. Have a blessed day!

The Butterfly Effect

2007-05-21T10:35:00.000-05:00

At church on sunday it was about the Butterfly Effect. How he related to our servie was basically...speak the word of the lord and good things will happen.

"God has crafted your wings to create a weather pattern of glory"

I know that I speak the word of the Lord often. I do this to help me get through my day and maybe it will help someone else. Since I have turned my life over to the Lord, my life has changed in so many ways. Our marriage is stronger, our baby is coming, our financial situation is great to the point we are able to afford our adoption with out any loans! I think that is what I am most excited about. Our relationship with our friends have become stronger also. I hope that I have helped some of you through your dark days, that is what I feel my calling is...to help others understand why this is happening to us. Our long wait for our babies to come home. You must TRUST HIM. I know I say that but please TRUST HIM. If you are TTC...TRUST HIM...there are reasons why it is taking long for you...TRUST HIM!

Today on my way to work I saw a neighbor frined of mine...Here is the story...Her older sister and Jeff went to high school together, this girl married a guy on our street. We became friends. They were married last June, started TTC and got pregnant right away. I saw her today...she looks great...she has 3 weeks to go and the baby will be here. I remember walking last summer and seeing her and talking to her about our hopes to adopt. That was right around the time they started TTC. It is funny how things happen. So here we are waiting the arrival of our baby and so is she. I think her baby will be here before ours...she is due June 12th. It was so great if our kids are around the same age. We have no small children on the street . They are all between the ages of 4 and 8...so for my kids that is too much of an age difference IMO. So when I was driving away...I felt a little sad...I will admit to it. I was a little sad. Sad that she is going to give birth to her baby. Something that I do long for...I will admit to that too. I long for the feeling of the baby again. I loved that feeling...it was amazing. I also long to hold OUR baby when he.she arrives via adoption. What a huge gift that will be. I have come to grips with the fact that my life is far more important then being selfish and getting pregnant because I want a Bio baby. A baby is a baby...it donesn't matter if it is of your blood or not. So that is where we stand...those are my feelings...love them or don't that is me. Hugs and Blessings

TGIF

2007-05-18T20:21:00.000-05:00

Wow...it is finally Friday! I didn't think it was ever going to come! What a crazy and exciting week. We almost adopted a baby this week and got 2 great calls from our 800#! I guess when it rains it pours! I am so tired...after my Sunday...amazing Sunday at The Chapel, Monday siying good bye to a friend who is now in heaven, Tuesday...got a call about a baby...found out he was abandoned therefore CPS got him in stead...not sure what the Birth Mom was thinking when leaving the hospital without an adoption plan...but He was not our baby...same day got a call from a potential Birth Mom out of state who is due this fall...what a blessed day Tuesday was...God was really looking down on us...Wednesday...quite...Thursday...got a call about a baby due in August...we will see and finally FRIDAY...I was crazy busy at work...didn't even have a chance to catch my breathe today...very busy! No I am on the decline...what a week! Received a note today from Pastor Jerry...wow he is amazing! God really picked a great one to lead our congragation!
We are waiting to hear if a friend of our who lives near NYC is a mom yet. Her Birth Mother is in labor...we are all waiting for her daughter to arrive! We are praying for a safe and smooth arrival and a happy ending! Well here's to happy endings!

What is a strong woman?

2007-05-16T19:25:00.000-05:00

I ask this of you. I belong to an adoption group that is full of women from all over the country, some are adopting domestically, some are international adoptions and some are foster families. I love this group. I posted what had happened on the message board and the responces back have blown me away. I guess I never really viewed myself as a strong woman. But I am being told other wise. I guess when I look back at this week, speaking in front of thousands at church, being the last woman to talk and being the only mother there with out children. Going through what we went through yesterday...being that close to a baby...wow...I guess I am a strong woman. But I would not be this strong with out my faith in the Lord. It is his love that he has for me and I for him that has made me this strong...and I will give credit to my mom! she has made me a strong woman too. I guess now when I look at it...we were hours away from bringing that little guy home...Why did she abandon him? She knew we wanted him...what would make someone do this? She knew he would go to a loving home...a couple who longs for a baby...WHY...Because it was not about US. It was about another family who has been waiting for a baby to have and to hold. I know that this little guy is going to a good home...the foster care system is not bad...there are families like you and I who want to adopt...How wonderful for that couple to get "the call" WOW!

We are watching the Sabres and Ottawa has just scored a goal...it is now 3-1 sabres...good lord...why must they score??? I am a hockey junkie...I love Detroit...so I am hoping that if the Sabres do win we play Detroit...that would be the best! Have a great day! Hugs and Blessings!

Another baby sighting...

2007-05-15T17:05:00.000-05:00

That is what I like to call it when there is a "situation". We got a call today from a friend who has a friend, who knows of a girl who's friend just had a baby! Did you get that...ok...her was born yesterday, he is healthy and doing great. But the Birth Mother is not moving fast enough and it looks like he is going to go to CPS. It is a long story...but this baby was not meant for us. I did everything in my powers to get to her...I spoke to her twice and talked to her best friend and still nothing. I am not sure what she is waiting for...if anything...maybe she is just waiting for the county to move in. We are getting closer! That is for sure. Since my testimony at church, now the word is out there and there are thousands of people praying for us and thinking of us...our time is coming...I can feel it. I know I have said that before...but I am telling you...I feel it. It is a strange feeling...I feel God's presence...it is so strong and powerful...so I am getting stuff ready...washed the sheets and doing some much needed cleaning...keep checking back...

What's next...

2007-05-14T20:25:00.002-05:00

I have been trying to find the link for my testimony at church but it hasn't hit the internet yet. I will when I can. We are watching the Sabres again...man they are terrible! Just Terrible! They are now down 3 games!!!! They stink!!!! Why we get our hopes up is beyond me. It is such a let down. Look out Buffalo golf courses...here come the Buffalo Sabres! Nanana nanana hey hey hey...good bye! Ick!!! Thanks for nothing! Here is another one...OOh ahh sabres on the golf course!!!! LOL!

What's next...

2007-05-14T20:25:00.000-05:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

2007-05-13T18:25:00.000-05:00

What a wonderful day we had today! I spoke at church and it was amazing! I wasn't really nervous once I arrived to church...but last night...that is another story! My husband is amazing...he was so cute...while I was having a anxiety attack at 1 am he said "you are going to do great...I love you!" He is my rock! So it was a full house for both services...Jeff was at the first service and my mom, dad, gram and brother were at the second service. I am so glad they were there. After each service I felt like a movie star...everyone was coming up to me telling me that they are praying for us. One woman came up to me and told me about her 28 year old only child that had passed away 2 years ago. When Pastor Jerry introduced me he said I was a mom with out any children. He was talking about our angel babies in heaven and on here with us. Another woman came up to me and introduced me to her adopted daughter. I had to hug the poor girl...she must have thought I was crazy but she huged me back. It was blessing to feel this wonderful child's arms around me. After the second service a woman named Linda came running up to me and told me that God spoke to her to come and meet me and pray for me. She said that every woman she prays for gets their baby, be it a bio baby or adopted. It was a bit surreal...I wasn't sure how to take it...I was a bit freaked out...but we prayed together for about 20 minutes. I felt the LORD coming right through her to me. It was very powerful...I think she thought I thought she was crazy...i was just so touched that someone would want to pray for me in that way.

I am not sure why God wanted me to speak today to give my testimony...I know I touched many people...I could see them whipping the tears away. It really touched me. I know that God works in mysterious ways...I met an amazing women during this process. Her name is Andrea. Well come to find out my father and her husband worked together, when my father worked. My father always spoke very highly of him and I know that God was bringing them back together!

I want all my friends to know...even if we do not have children here on earth with us...we are still mom's. Because we WILL be mom's soon. Never give up the faith. We have been through so much pain during our marriage when it comes to children and we have never, I mean NEVEr given up the faith of the lord. It is so important to have faith. Just think of George Michale...LOL only kidding. Tonight when you go to bed, say a prayer for your baby...let your baby know you are waiting and know that it is in HIS time and you are here for them when the time is right. Happy Mother's Day...God Bless! Hugs

Helping Hands

2007-05-12T14:52:00.000-05:00

Today was Stamp Out Hunger at the Post Office. This is the day that people leave can goods out and the Letter Carriers collect the food and bring it to food panties in their area. So Jeff asked if we could help him this year. So I enlisted My best friend Amy and her kids...Only 2 of her 4 came with us. Peter and Caralynn were wonderful! We had a great system going...It is so fun to see the kids grow right before your eyes. It seems like yesterday that they were just babies...now they are growing up right before me. If we don't adopt a baby soon, Caralynn will be able to babysit...does that make sence? She is 8 going on 9 so she is a little too young. So here are some pictures from our wonderful day! Afterwords we went to Patrick and William's soccer games. William I think will be the pro soccer player...he is a amazing! He scored I think 9 goals. He is 5! Patrick is 7 and he played goalie and made some amazing stops! WOW...it was a great day! I am thankful for this wonderful day that the Lord gave me. I am truly blessed to have these children and their parents as frineds. On a side note...Amy's Uncle Dave died last Sunday. He was a great guy! Always had a smile on his face. Him and his Wife had quite a marriage and when you looked at them together the love just shined! They were married for 48 years. They have 2 children and 6 or 7 grand children. He will be missed. Love you Uncle Dave!

Oh PS...did I tell you I am sick AGAIN????? What is going on here??? I think it is stress! I have never been this sick. I have a bad cold...and I have to speak tomorrow at church! UGH!!!

BUSY WEEK...

2007-05-10T20:09:00.000-05:00

IT HAS BEEN A VERY BUSY WEEK FOR US HERE. I HAVE BEEN WORKING LIKE A DOG, JEFF HAS BEEN HOME SICK WITH A NASTY COLD AND I AM GETTING READY FOR MY BIG DAY AT CHURCH. WE HAD A MEETING AT CHURCH AND I MET THE MOST WONDERFUL PERSON. GOD WORKS IN SUCH MYSTERIOUS WAYS. WE INSTANTLY CONNECTED. I FELT SO BLESSED TO BE IN A ROOM FULL OF 5 BEAUTIFUL MOTHERS OF ALL AGES AND NOT ONE OF THEM IS ALIKE IN THEIR JOURNEY OF MOTHERHOOD. I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO OUR SERVICE ON SUNDAY. I MUST ADMIT...I HAVE NOT PREPARED WHAT I AM GOING TO SAY...I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT MANY THINGS BUT STILL NOT SURE. OUR JOURNEY HAS BEEN LONG, STRESSFUL AND SOMETIMES VERY DISAPPOINTING. BUT I WOULDN'T HAVE CHANGED A THING! JEFF AND I ARE CLOSER THEN EVER AND IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN IF IT WERE NOT FOR OUR JOURNEY TO OUR BABY.

I just told my mother today that we suffered our 5th miscarriage. I didn't really want to tell her...I really didn't want to tell anyone, but it is our story. I guess, since it is our 5th, i have become numb to it. But after last night at church when our Pastor was talking about our babies...it became very real to me that I have been a mom for along time...only my babies are in heaven with God. WOW...that is very powerful to say! I know that our babies are all up there together...picking out the perfect baby for us to adopt. I often wonder what my life would have been like if any of those babies would have survived. I am not saying WHY ME or WHY US...I am just thinking our oldest would have been 4 already...almost ready for kindergarden...I will say I do look at kids that are between the ages of 1 and 4 and think...our baby's would have been that age now. I know that this is the path that was chosen for us...I know this...I am OK with this! I am so blessed to have lived this life I have lived. I have experienced things that most women will never experience. I do wish this journey of adoption wasn't so emotional. But if it were easy...EVERYONE would be doing it!

We are sitting in our family room tonight with the windows open and a nice cool breeze, watching the Buffalo Sabres...the only thing missing...is a baby on my chest, smelling like a baby and sleeping on me...with his/her butt up in the air...I long for that moment when it is just Jeff,me, baby and the dogs...then my life will be complete! There is a plan...I am ok with this...I am in this for the long haul...even if it takes 3 years...I will not give up my search for our baby. i will not give up my calling of helping others with their journey and stuggle through this wonderful adoption process. It will happen. Everyone who wants to adopt...DOES adopt! I know this! Hugs and Blessings!

Their at the post...

2007-05-09T13:44:00.000-05:00

And their off...we opened up our yard on Monday...we took down the fence so the dogs can offically run! It is always fun the first time Libby is able to run the yard. She is like a kid in a candy store! She ges crazy...then eugene goes crazy! So I have posted the aftermath of the run! As you can see by their mouths they are pooped!

Trust in him...

2007-05-03T08:44:00.000-05:00

The blogging community is so big and I have met so many people here. Whether they are trying to adopt or TTC with IF. I thought of this verse from the bible...I hope this helps with those who are struggling with the "why" factor...

"TRUST IN HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING" Proverbs 3:5

So many times thing may happen to us, whether it be an adoption miscarriage or a bio-miscarriage, IF, PCOS and so on. We can spend all day sitting there asking ourselves..."Why me" You need to TRUST IN HIM with ALL your heart! It took me a long time...I was thinking yesterday while Jeff and I were out and about...Here is our time line...

3/03 - IUI and got pregnant then m/c 8 weeks later

5/03 - IUI and became pregnant with twins! M/C baby one within 8 weeks

8/23/03 - Our baby was a still born at 16-17 weeks gestation.

8/23/03 - 12/13/03 - Stayed in bed or at home for over 4 months...depression set in and I thought my life was over...on 12/13 I cried from the moment I woke up until the moment Jeff came home from work. "That is when he said...will our life ever be the same or are you going to cry everyday for the rest of your life?" At that moment it hit me...I was wasting my life with the "why me" "why us" From 12/14/03 until 2/06 -- over 2 years...I struggled with IF and TTC and constantly thinking and trying to be in control of it. 2/06 I said to Jeff..."we are not getting any younger and all we want is to be parents...so let's adopt! " That was it...and here we are 5/07...on our journey of adoption. But back in 11/05 we were at our first bible study group... and one of the girls there was talking about me turning control over to the lord...MY LIFE HAS NEVER BEEN THE SAME! Jeff came on board with the adoption journey...everything started to fall into place...our money situation, my new job...everything...So I am here to tell you...TRUST IN HIM! Please...Trust in him...he always does the right thing. It may not seem that way right now...but trust in him. I love you, god loves you...most importantly...love yourself!

A couple of things...

2007-05-02T08:41:00.000-05:00

Ok...I love when my hubby has off a day during the week! no OT but it is nice to have him home! I usually take the day off when he is home during the week...we can go do stuff that needs to be done together! I love being with him and he loves being with me.

Thanks of all the wonderful comments about Church! I am excited...I forgot to write what Jeff said...he goes " I am not doing this for father's day!" I laughed so hard! He is so not a public speaker...I live for public speaking!

I am going to work on Jeff's web site today...so I will post it when it is done.

Wew have to go re new or finger prints today...it guess it takes 6-8 weeks and ours expire on May 27th. It is a good thing I contacted the agency! So we are doing that today too! Wow, it seems like yesterday we did them!

We got a call from a friend who got a call from someone who has a baby to place...my firend adopted he little boy last month, so she is not ready for a 3rd. So she called me to see what I thought...I said...yeah!! So who knows...we wait to see if they call! It is all in God's hands! No worrying here. I love that I have turned it over...my life is so stress free! Have a great day! Hugs to all! Love you all!

We did out finger prints today...went to mom's, Home Depot and then...the rummble of the tummy...Jeff wanted to go to lunch...so we did...Friday's...the the rummble again...I thought it was just hunger...but...much to my suprise...it is the flu!!!!!! So we came home...I slept for 3 hours, then got up and thought...oh this isn't good... So... I am up today...but not feel very well! We had a dinner planed with a few other couples tonight from church and I am totally bummed...So That is the update...UGH!

I feel so blessed!

2007-05-01T13:50:00.000-05:00

I recevied a call yesterday from our church...our Pastor wants me to say something at our Mother's Day service. Me...Colette...Me! I feel so blessed that he asked me! I will be up on stage the whole service...how much weight can i lose in 10 days????? LOL I am thinking if I don't eat starting tomorrow...have to have one more day before the big diet...I could lose...maybe 5 lbs.? do you think anyone would notice??? LOL I will be up there with 5 other women. We will be talking about how the lord has helped us be mothers...but I don't have any children I said and his assitant said..."yes we know...we would like you to speak about how the lord has helped you during your journey of adoption" Well...that I can do! If you know me...you know I instanly thought...THIS IS A SIGN! But what kind of sign is it? I was thinking last night...Maybe the lord, knows that someone will be there who might be thinking about terminating a pregnancy or know of someone who is, or maybe there is a couple in the audience who has been struggling through there adoption process or IF and maybe I will help them find their way...or MAYBE...there is someone out there who knows of someone who is pregnant looking to place their baby up for adoption and there we are! What ever the sign is...I will embrace this with all my body and follow his lead. I feel so blessed that I was chosen to do this. Please say a prayer for me that I am able to get through this! Hugs

Oh my aching back!

2007-04-29T09:03:00.000-05:00

Hi all...what a weekend it has been! Our compter is down, therefore I can'get acess to the web with my lap top, so I have to use my neighbors wireless! Yikes! So, I woke up yesterday to...alot of pain! My ribs (3 to be exact...popped out of place! OUCH!!!!!!) Holy cow does that hurt! I was in a terrible car accident about 6 years ago, and my life and back have never been the same. Yes a woman ran a red light and I hit her...she claimed the light was green in court (liar) but witnesses said it was red! So...anyway...every now and then, my rib pops out of place. I could be bending over todo something and it is either my rib or my lower back that goes...lovely! It is a constant reminder of how my life changed ony being married for 96 days and POW! It totally sucks! I work full time, I take care of my home and hopefully soon take care of my baby...but with constant back pain. If you have constant back pain you know what I mean. I am limited in my ativities. I am told that if I lose weight it will help. Well since the accident I have packed on the lbs. because I am limited in what exercises I can do...it SUCKS! So I feel so crapy...I didn't go to church today...yes you read that right...I didn't go! I am goin to watch it on the computer later today. I just couldn't bear to put on my bra, and I wasn't going to ask Jeff to do it. I guess I feel bad enough that this changed our life, I don't want him to know I can put my bra on! And those who know me...KNOW I CAN"T GO BRALESS!!!!! I went to the Chiropractor yesterday and POOF! he poped them back in! He said "wow...3 this time!" It had been over 40 days since my last visit... now we know...I can't go 40 days! But the tissue around the ribs is still very very sore. So I take my motrin and massive pain killers last night and today, but tomorrow is a new day...a new work week...must feel better by then, that is why I am taking it slow today...so I can heal! it just hurts to breathe! OK ENOUGH!!!! I am done complaining!!!

So I have been thinking...

2007-04-27T11:40:00.000-05:00

(as my brother would say...Did it hurt?) So we have been waiting for just about 9 months...a full term pregnancy. I always said that I would get crazy until we hit that 9 month mark...well it is approaching fast...I am starting to get crazy! Not with When or Why...just how much longer will it be. We have made another contact regarding adoption, so our name went there too! We will see what happens and what will transpire. In this world of Adoption and living in New York State...all you can do is network, advertise or go with an agency...so I have been networking my brains out. We have another mailing going out to our frineds...that should take place in early May...Just a reminder...we are STILL looking to adopt. I know that this process has not only brought Jeff and I closer to the lord, but it has brought us closer to...if that is possible. I can honestly say...I would have wanted it any other way...I love and adore my husband and he loves and adores me. I thank the Lord for giving and helping us have a strong marriage. My parents have been married for almost 41 years. Jeff's parents were married for 29 years. So we have long marries working with us. All of our friends have strong marriages...we have a wonderful support group. I thank the lord for that everyday. So, on this rainy friday afternoon...I sit and look out my office window and think...